Friday, June 29, 2012

Confessional Friday

So, I feel like I have fallen off the face of the earth for a while. Truth is, I have. I am just getting used to my new job, and used to not having a laptop.

But, I confess:

1) I have really been missing my boyfriend lately. Like, bad. We were supposed to see each other next week, but it looks like it'll be September. So by then, it'll be 6 months since I've seen him. SIX MONTHS! I can't take any time off at my new job until December, so he has to come here. Anyway, I'm feeling lonely and jealous of anyone who can see their significant other on any regular basis.

2) I have procrastinated mowing my lawn since Monday night. I could do it tonight... Or in the morning when it's not 100+ degrees. See the justification there?

3) I feel like I have alienated my friends at the old job because some of them had to make statements/answer questions to HR after I tattled about the sexual harassment thing. I didn't want to involve anyone else, but I guess that's the nature of it. I could say that if they were real friends, they wouldn't hold this against me. All I did was tell the truth. However, not one of them has contacted me in the last two weeks I've been gone. Not one. That kinda hurts, and I don't want to contact them because I don't want to bring up the incident. I suppose they will come around. I just didn't want to lose any friends over all this.

4) This last one is more of a confession, and with me being catholic and all, it seems fitting. I have been listening to new age speakers and authors on different podcasts and reading books that in a different time would have probably threatened my faith or left me uninterested. I am just sick of all the fighting and religious know-it-alls. I've been searching for something that affects or helps me everyday life. I have found that in some meditation and mindfulness practices. It has really helped me. I wouldn't say it conflicts with my faith (some would), but I will say that I have less and less patience for an intolerant religion and for a lack of open-mindedness. I don't believe all religious people are closed-minded, I just need to move beyond doctrinal or theological discussions into a way that makes my life better, makes me a better person. So, that being said, I still practice my faith, but I also have been doing these other spiritual exercises. There is a part of me that feels really guilty or bad or sacrilegious doing it. I know my parents would not approve. (I know I'm 31 years old, but this is nonetheless in the back of my mind). I'm not sure my priest would approve. But I don't care. I need to get something out of my spiritual practice, and this is helping at the moment.

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