7 Quick Takes: Miscarriage Story

I'm linking up with Kelly to bring you 7 Quick Takes from my world this week.  

~1~

I have been on a blogging hiatus for a variety of reasons.  One of them was that I needed to focus on my vocation - marriage.  I needed to focus on real life, not spend time sharing or creating an online presence that would divert me from that real life.  (I know others can do this effortlessly, but for me, it was taking too much time.)  I'm back if only for this week to share news.

~2~

After about 6-7 months of trying to conceive, we got pregnant last December.  And then we had a miscarriage at around 7 weeks (mid-February).  I'm reviving the blog to share my miscarriage story. It may help others.  Others may help me.  

~3~

I'm considered "advanced maternal age." (I'm in my mid-late thirties.) My doctor put me on a progesterone supplement after confirming the pregnancy because mine was low.  She also mentioned that my HCG was not doubling every 2 days.  It was increasing, but not doubling.  She said there was nothing they could do about that.  We heard a heartbeat at week 6.  The doctor said it was on the slow side, but within the normal range for that young.  The next week when we came back, however, the heartbeat needed to be much, much higher.  I was hoping to beat the odds.    

~4~

We entrusted our little baby to the sacred heart of Jesus and the immaculate heart of Mary.  We prayed his or her little heartbeat would increase and asked others to do the same.  The doctor mentioned that once a heartbeat was established, the likelihood of miscarriage went down to 3%, so we were optimistic.  The words "the Lord, the giver of life" stuck out to me in the Creed like never before.  God created this life.  If it were to be sustained, God would have to do that too.  

~5~

Last week, we went back for a check up, and there was no heartbeat anymore.  The baby hadn't grown since the week before.  I didn't have any bleeding, and I was feeling as nauseous as ever, which I took to be good signs.  It wasn't the case.  Two days later (last Friday), I had a D & C procedure.  

~6~

My doctor and the hospital had never (in 33 years of existence) been asked for the fetal remains to be returned to the parents after a miscarriage or stillbirth.  We asked for the remains in order to have a burial of our child, if possible.  It was incredibly painful and hurtful to be met with so much resistance in this situation.  Trying to advocate for myself while in a hospital gown and on drugs was very difficult.  My husband did most of the fighting for us, thankfully.  I was told that we should have asked earlier (we did to no avail), that it wouldn't be possible, that I may have to delay surgery until there was paperwork on file, etc.  I wasn't sure my doctor's position as far as pro-life/pro-choice before this moment.  This event unfortunately confirmed to me that she saw us as difficult patients, religious freaks, who were wanting to do something like a burial ceremony for a lost tooth.  She said she was sorry that the pregnancy didn't turn out the way we'd liked (not healthy), but I'm not sure that she felt we had lost a life, a child, not just a potential life or potential child.  There were two kind nurses who took a moment to hug me and say they were sorry for my loss.  That made a huge difference and was so appreciated on a dark day.      

~7~

There are some club memberships you never want to have.  I didn't want to be in this club - mothers of miscarried babies.  We haven't yet picked a name because we don't know the gender, and had considered very male-specific and female-specific names.  I've had no special revelation of the gender of our baby, no instinct.  Physically, it has been much easier to recover from the miscarriage than it was to be pregnant for 7-8 short weeks.  I would take that discomfort back in a heartbeat.  It almost feels like a dream/nightmare.  Was I really pregnant?  Was it really over that quickly?  Are we really discussing urns?

We were able to get the remains back from the hospital, and our little baby is now in the safe-keeping of a funeral home until we can arrange a burial.  I feel like he/she is much safer there than at the hospital.  For those who might be in this situation and don't know the options, I suggest Catholic Miscarriage Support.  They were incredibly helpful to me and answered an email I sent them in less than 24 hours.  I also suggest contacting your diocese and the pro-life office, if there is one.  Our pro-life office reassured us that it was our legal right to ask for the remains back, and helped us get in touch with a funeral home and a cemetery right away.  They were also incredibly kind and clearly understood this was a loss of life, not a medical procedure or inconvenience.  

That is all I can say right now.  Peace be with you.

Edited to add: Between the time of the D & C and the time of our burial service, my husband and I were praying that we would have a little bit of a revelation as to the gender of our lost baby.  While pregnant, I had no intuition about this, although I thought I would just "know," I never did.  I was sort of angry and upset that we still didn't know at the time of the miscarriage.  I thought it could help us have more closure to have a name and a gender.  I asked for a divine revelation.  Separately (without discussing it), my husband and I each strongly came to the conclusion that it was a boy over the course of a few weeks.  I suppose we could be wrong, but each time I imagined that child, if I tried to imagine it was a girl, there was an immediate thought that I was wrong and a resistance to the idea that it was a girl.  It got to the point that I just felt and almost knew in my heart it was a boy.  When I mentioned this to my husband that I was concluding it was probably a boy, he had been having the same experience of that strong impression it was a boy.  We ended up naming our child Dominique, which simply means "from God."  If spelled in the French way like this (-que at the end), it can be a male or female name.  So, we went with that name since we didn't know 100% absolutely for sure, although we do feel it was a boy.  And, for what it's worth, our little nephew who is 4 years old had just started to refer to the baby as a boy without any prompting.  He also told us the baby is playing in a waterfall with God and that "there will be another baby."  I think kids are in touch with God more closely than the rest of us sometimes.  I hope he's right.    

See ya'

On a blogging hiatus. 

Peace be with you.  

7QT: Seven Quick Takes

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you seven quick takes from my world this week. 

~1~

Nobody really reads this, nor do I use my real name or too many identifiable details...however, I'm pretty sure I'm going to close up shop here at the blog....again...for real this time.  I do fancy myself a writer in some sense. That's how I process things.  I want the freedom to write down my thoughts and talk about them with others, while at the same time not invading my personal life with the blog.  Maybe I need to privately online journal or open up a word document and call it a day.  Maybe I need to share more with people I actually know on Facebook or in real life to get the connection I guess I'm seeking.  It just seems like most the Catholics online all seem to be either men doing apologetics or moms who blog, which brings me to point number two.  

~2~

I am not a mom.  We are "trying," and have so far been unsuccessful.  It's not my fault that we didn't get married until I was 33, and that was almost 2 years ago.  It's not my fault that my parents didn't pay for my wedding because 1) they're poor and 2) it was a Catholic wedding.  It's not my fault that we started off our marriage with student loans and unexpected medical debt from an accident my husband had that was a very near miss on his life.  That is the way my life has unfolded thus far.  I have not given into despair (yet), nor has it been long enough to have to look into infertility treatments.  It's totally in God's hands.  I have no idea what will happen.  However, it's really hard to be bombarded online with mom-talk, mom-blogs, etc. in the online Catholic world when I want that and don't know if or how it'll ever happen for me.  I don't relate, aside from being an auntie and being close to many moms.  That's not my life (yet? ever?).  On the other hand, it's just hard not to be bitter or even jealous, especially when people complain over things that they seem to take for granted, things that I want, things that I think I would embrace.  I know we all have crosses and that as much as motherhood is a blessing, it can be a cross too.  I just think I need to step away for my own sanity from the overwhelming mommy-sphere of the Catholic online world that I have stumbled upon.  I get it - moms, Catholic moms need community.  I just feel so left out sometimes.  Where is the newlywed community?  Where is the married/no kids community?  Where is the "we accept you as you are" community?  Where is the co-ed, multi-aged community?  Which brings me to point number three.  

~3~

I want community - in real life, online - and I don't think you have to be the same as someone else to have community.  Why are so many women's conferences for moms, not all women?  Why are there so many retreats that are men's retreats and women's retreats, not for couples?  These are my own special pet peeves of life.  First world problems.  I think it helps to find people in your age and stage of life.  It also helps to stretch yourself outside of that.  One of the most life-changing and meaningful relationships I ever had was with someone in her 80's when I was in my 20's.  All that to say, it's rough out there.  In order to get community, we have to intentionally create it.  We are doing stuff in real life to reach out to others in our big city and to create a network of friends and family we can really turn to and connect with.  And it's hard, but it's definitely gotten better than it was even a year ago.  I just don't think the online world has contributed to my need for community, it has (for my own reasons) made me feel more isolated sometimes.  I think I need to step away.  

~4~

I am going through what my husband calls a "Franciscan" phase right now.  In other words, lots of donation bags to Goodwill, lots of shredding of paper, lots of de-cluttering, lots of reading of minimalist books.  It's been fabulous.  I was sick for the first 6 months of our marriage, followed by 9 unplanned surgeries/procedures to my body, so essentially our entire first year of marriage involved medical issues for me.  The second year of marriage was spent kind of getting to a new normal and getting my head above water, but lots of it felt like survival mode.  One major change was commuting to work on public transportation, rather than driving.  In such a large city, I'm still gone for work about 11-12 hours per day, but it's less stressful on me.  Having less driving time (not necessarily less commuting time) has given me my life back a little bit.  I have been able to do more than just "maintain" at home, but actually de-clutter, organize, and simplify.  When you do that with outward things, it makes you want to do that with inner things, and "invisible" things, such as digital presence, social media, etc.  Which brings me to point number 5.          

~5~

Taylor Marshall recently mentioned on his podcast that he and his wife are doing a 30-day social media fast.  It has made him more present in his everyday life.  He said he has more time to read, feels like he is more focus and relational with his children, and it has been a positive experience.  

I've occasionally taken time off or deactivated social media.  I think it might be time to do that again, blog included...only I think the blog might be a permanent closure.  It just seems like relatively little-to-none ROI (return on investment) for the time and mental energy.  There are some high-drama people in my family, and it's hard enough to maintain relationships with them, much less manage their expectations on social media interaction.  It's ridiculous.      

~6~

Not only are we trying to conceive, but I really really really need to get serious about my health.  I feel bad on most days.  I don't know if this is normal, but it is normal for me.  Headaches, exhausted, roller coaster, pounding heart rate, etc.  I am 90% sure this could all go away (or at least be drastically improved) if I strictly followed an anti-inflammation diet.  Oddly enough, deleting a blog, deactivating social media, and cleaning out my closets help me focus on my physical health.  It makes me feel like I have the psychic space and energy to take care of those things.  Exercise, eating right, sleeping more.  I have been able to detox my body before with good results, but I feel like this will be a lifelong struggle, a lifelong choice to say "yes" to this way of life every single day.  It's so easy to go off track (there are cookies in the work break room this very moment).  

~7~

I feel like all six points thus far are really close to some major self-pity.  I don't mean to come across that way.  I love my mom friends, and maybe someday I'll get to be in that club.  Maybe not.  I can't mourn an unknown reality, I just have to take it one day at a time, which has surprisingly been very hard.  Feeling so overwhelmed (as I do by life right now) just makes me want to re-evaluate priorities and get serious about living my best life.  Maintaining this blog doesn't seem to fit in that equation right now.    

In honor of one of my favorite saints and one of my favorite soon-to-be saints, a friendly reminder that it's the little things that matter. It's the small things, the little way, that matters.  I need to do those small things with love, great love.  I need to step back from all that is non-essential right now so that I have the ability to even attempt the little way.    

I wish peace and all good things to anyone who reads this.  

~ Mother Teresa, pray for us.  ~

~ St. Therese, pray for us ~

What Feeds You?

Last weekend I got hurt by someone I loved.  Bad hurt.  Like a dagger in the heart hurt.

I guess we all make certain assumptions about what so-and-so would never do or that such-and-such would never happen.  Then, it happens.  And it's either a dream come true, or a nightmare you hadn't imagined. 

I struggle between knowing that I must forgive and move on, and honoring my feelings, acknowledging them, and grieving.  I know if I don't feel my feelings, think my thoughts, and get in touch with the hurt and anger, then the forgiveness will just be a form of denying reality. 

However, forgiveness is also an act of the will.  "Father forgive them, they know not what they do." It doesn't mean I feel like forgiving.  I can ask God to forgive without the emotions behind it, knowing that it's the right thing to do.  I can also still grieve, feel sick, sad, and angry, even having forgiven.

There's a balance between acknowledging and feeling the truth, and wallowing in it to the point of bitterness.  There's also a balance between forgiveness as an act of the will and being so free that it's as if it never happened. 

I tried to pray, to meditate, to invite God into this.  

Over time, I got two messages.  

One is, "Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace."   It sounds so nice when you're thinking about world peace, doves, or resolving the violence of war and poverty.  When it hits closer to home, being an instrument of peace can be very, very hard. 

The other message is, "Take and eat, this is my body given up for you."  What are we receiving when we receive God?  Unconditional Love.  That was the message I got.

Yes, I believe in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist.  But, what that meant to me this time wasn't a message about the theology of trans-substantiation, it was a message that I need to focus on what it is that's feeding me.  If I am receiving The Word Made Flesh into my body and soul, then I need to feed on that.  Rather than feeding on my hurt or on the wrongs of others, I need to feed on Christ, who loves me more than I can imagine. 

Once I was able to grieve and acknowledge my hurt, I moved on to focus less on the hurt and more on the unconditional love of God.  The reason these human hurts sting so badly is that we know there is an infinite, perfect love out there.  We long for it.  We are disappointed when humans deliver something less than that.  We have to feed on the right things.   

I'm not saying I have it all figured out and that my heart is all bandaged up now.  It's a work in progress.  I imagine that choosing what I focus on will need to be a conscious effort for quite a while until I can move on a little better from this.

One final thought is that I realize that I need to pray for those involved in hurting me.
They are screwed up people, just like me.  When I was so focused on the hurt and grief that their actions caused me, I couldn't pray for them.  Now I can.  Just a little bit.  And they really, really need it.  

What feeds you?  

Is it your own sick thoughts of revenge?  Is it your human understanding, which is only a small slice of reality?  Is it an idolization of another person, who may eventually fail you?

Feed on the feast of Christ, the wedding supper of the Lamb, the Bread of Life.  Eternal Life, Unconditional Love.

There's a feast waiting, you just have to accept the invitation to that meal.

7QT: Seven Quick Takes

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you Seven Quick Takes from my world this week.  (I almost didn't link up this week, I'm feeling so down with all that's happening in our world. But, this link up is mostly links to other stuff.)   

~1~

Another day, another heartbreaking news story.  Pray for our world.  Pray for peace.

~2~

I thought this article by Simcha Fisher did a pretty good job of explaining that "custody of the eyes" is not just refraining from checking out attractive people.  It also means refraining from scrutinizing and over-analyzing people (visually), leaping to conclusions, judgments, or too much curiosity.  One thing that I've always found helpful is to look for/in the person's eyes when at a loss or distracted/tempted in other ways.  If you can, pray for them too.

~3~

I'm fascinated by people who leave the gay lifestyle and came back to their faith.  Due to teaching on Natural Law and Theology of the Body, I left the secular, worldly, promiscuous lifestyle and came back (truly discovered) the Catholic faith.  It was life-changing for me.  I don't know how to reach my gay friends, since I haven't experienced what they have, but I'm encouraged by conversations and conversions like this one.  (Note that this is a link to an interview/podcast.)

~4~

Similarly (to #3), Daniel Mattson has a great response here to why Natural Law arguments do reach some people in this discussion, himself included.  You may recognize him from the documentary Desire of the Everlasting Hills.  

~5~

On a much lighter note, Gretchen Rubin mentioned on her podcast this week that New York Public Library had archived a bunch of public domain pictures.  It's beautiful at the very least, and could even be helpful.  

~6~

NPR did a segment on the new middle class.  The quote that really stood out to me was: 

"2015 was the first year on record when Americans in the middle-income bracket did not make up the majority of the country: that is, those above and below the middle class — rich and poor combined — make up half the population"

We definitely fall into this category.  Sometimes it's hard not to give into despair, yet I also feel like it's a first world problem.  We are okay, it's just not easy.

~7~

And from the public domain (referenced above), something beautiful called halymenia ligula...

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things..."

~ Philippians 4:8 ~

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume XLI)

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you seven quick takes from my world this week.

~1~

Lizz Lovett, a young wife and mother of four, passed away after a valiant fight with cancer. Contribute if you can to this GoFundMe account for her family, this video shows her courage in facing suffering and death.  She faced it and fought it head on, not giving into the lie of "death with dignity," but death with true dignity - in God's time.  Lord, have mercy.  

~2~

I am so saddened by the violence and senseless deaths in our society.  Pray for peace, unity, and an end to racism.  Although written as a result to different violent tendencies, this blog post by Fr. Dwight Longenecker came to mind this week.  As I write this, the news out of Dallas from last night is being released, even more to mourn.  More violence, more division.  I have friends who say I can't speak up because I'm not one of the minority being discriminated against.  I have other friends who think that silence is compliance.  I don't know what to do but hope and pray for better times, for justice, and for peace.    

A quote from Fr. Longenecker, 

"In the breakdown of the family, the church can become an alternative community not of hatred and fear and violence, but an alternative family of love, acceptance, forgiveness and reconciliation.  In the midst of darkness we can provide a haven and a refuge of light.  

We’d better get busy doing it!"

~3~

I hope everyone had an enjoyable Independence Day last Monday.  We went to a cook-out at my in-laws.  First we had lunch, then lounged around, went outside, watched a movie.  Then, we had all the same food for dinner a few hours later and watched fireworks.  It was fun.  For whatever reason, my 3-year-old nephew and godson was really attached to me that day.  I know the preferences of a 3-year-old are pretty fickle, but he's a sweetie, and I enjoyed hanging out.  In just a few short years, I'll be chopped liver, so I'll take it.    

~4~

I have used the summer to get a tune-up, you know like a car does, only for myself.  My insurance (the fiscal year at work) changes each July 1.  Before it changed (and prices went up), I got a check up with a new OB/GYN and a mammogram.  Then, after the change, I've made appointments for an eye appointment and dental exam.  I had to get a new dentist because of an awful experience I had last year.  I had to get a new eye doctor because the last time I drove by her office, it had turned into a Subway restaurant.  I couldn't find news of a relocation anywhere online, so off to a newbie I go.  I guess I'd better get to flossing for my dental exam (!!) I'm so bad at doing that regularly.  And, I feel like I should lose weight before seeing my regular doctor again.  She's always telling me how fat I am, and I could stand to lose 10-15 pounds.  It was refreshing to just hear how old I was from the OB/GYN.  Perhaps on a related note, I hate going to the doctor.  I do it out of obligation and self-care, but it's very hard for me.  In fact, I was so tripped out by it that they remarked that my pulse was high.        

~5~

One of the good things about living in one of the largest cities in the US is that random people pass through on layovers, for work conferences, and every now and then, someone you know moves here. I had a former student of mine contact me to say he was moving to town.  He and his wife ate dinner with my husband and me lastnight.  I'm older than my husband, and it seems that his wife is about my age, and he is about my husband's age.  Anyway, I don't see us being new BFFs, but it was fun to catch up and chat about the arts scene here and where they might live...not that I'm an expert, I still feel new, but there's something about seeing someone from "back home," that brings a nice feeling.  

~6~

This is an anonymous blog, but I still don't feel like I can say exactly what we need prayer for.  If you're the praying type and care to say a prayer for us, please do.   

~7~

After finishing a novena to Our Lady, Undoer of Knots, my husband and I just finished a novena to St. Joseph. Next, I'm going to do a novena to the Holy Spirit.  We need a lot of prayer lately.

(P.S. there's a novena app now, which has proved very handy, it's called Pray: the Catholic Novena App, and it's free.)

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us!  St. Joseph, pray for us!  Come, Holy Spirit! 

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume XL)

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you seven quick takes from my world this week.

~1~

This has been a LONG week.  Next week is a 4-day week, and last week was a 4-day work week for me (took a day off).  I knew it would feel long, but WOW has it been painfully long.  T.G.I.F.

~2~

My husband was a victim of identity theft a few years ago.  Someone illegally filed taxes under his name.  Recently he has been hit several more times with fraudulent credit card accounts opened in his name using fake addresses and hacking into his email.  And this week someone used our address illegally to open an account, which is mail fraud.  It's so exhausting and time-consuming to deal with this.  I wish people would use their time and creativity to get a job, rather than commit crimes. Supposedly the Infant Jesus of Prague is good to turn to in times of financial hardship.  Be diligent in monitoring your records, and pray for the conversion of these people.  A simple internet search revealed the identity, LinkedIn account, Facebook account, and recent mugshot for the mail fraud perpetrator. Amazing.  It was all I could do not to publicly shame this person, which would have been really stupid and counter-productive, but I get so angry.  I digress.  In this age of technology and information, it's likely a matter of time before it happens to everyone at some point.      

~3~

This article about Living with High-Functioning Anxiety is making the rounds this week.  I thought it was really good.  It took a therapist telling me (at age 33) that I had panic attacks before I knew that what I experienced was a panic attack.  It was normal to me, especially when my parents were involved.  I thought everyone felt that way, at least sometimes.  I'm still unpacking what my childhood did to me.  For others recovering from abuse, maybe you understand what I mean.  Maybe you're a recovering perfectionist, maybe you have anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks.  Maybe you're still unraveling and trying to understand, like I am.  Maybe you have a hard time in certain environments because of your past.  If so, the article may help you feel less alone.  It neglects the spiritual element, and I do have hope because of my faith.  I also believe in physical, medical help, not just praying and spiritual solutions to very real problems.  Maybe this article can help you put a name to the way you experience life.  Recognizing it is often the first step toward healing.

~4~

Those of us from religiously abusive backgrounds can often find it traumatic to read the Bible.  The words were used against us, used in unhealthy ways, misinterpreted, proof-texted to justify bad behavior, etc.  It has helped me a lot, as a Catholic, to hear the word proclaimed in a liturgical setting with reverence and with no interpretation (until the homily).  It has also helped that the common translation used in mass is different from the one I am most familiar with, so even though the text is the same, there are subtle differences between the traumatic version of the Bible from my youth and the Bible I most often hear read at mass.

This article addresses what to do when reading the Bible is difficult.  I found it pretty helpful.  It recommends to change translations in order to hear things differently (like a band covering a song puts their own twist on it).  I have also heard that it's good to read the Bible aloud slowly and in your own voice in order to replace the negative memory of the Bible read by someone else's abusive voice. There are also many techniques, such as lectio divina, which can help you slow down, meditate on words one at a time, and re-construct your understanding.     

The thing that is so sad to me is that I know the Bible is God's Word...what I mean by that as a Catholic, and what some fundamentalists mean by that is probably different.  I hate that a good and holy book, a source of our faith, has been so mis-used and abused to the point that some cannot even read the Bible.  Talk about a trick of old hairy legs.  Having said that, God is love.  He is beyond the Bible.  He is in the Church, the Sacraments, in nature, in the soul of everyone we know and love.  We can experience God in other ways when the Bible just doesn't help.

Our pastor taught us about progressive revelation (not the same as progressivism).  This viewpoint has saved my view of the Bible and helped it not be an abusive, re-traumatizing book for me.  It's the idea that God revealed himself slowly, over time.  First, it was to the Jewish people, revealing that there was only one God, and calling them to live a certain, strange way.  They never really got it.  They were rebellious and fell back into their old ways many times.  It started with 10 commandments.  Finally, after centuries of relationship and covenant, broken and re-committed, we were ready for the revelation of Jesus.  Reading the Old Testament is like reading the diary of a teenager, our pastor says.  It is their idea and understanding of God, in so far he has revealed himself up to that point.  It is limited in their understanding (thus, the teenager part), and they don't have the revelation of Christ and salvation that later comes into our understanding.    

When I read a troubling passage that asks God to smite enemies, I think, yeah...they have a teenager's understanding of who God is.  They think he hates the "bad guys" as much as they do.  There is darkness and light together.  Their understanding of God was limited to what He had revealed at that time in history.

I'm not a theologian, this is just my armchair/laywoman's explanation of something that was helpful to me.    

~5~

This weekend I get to see one of my oldest and dearest friends.  We were bridesmaids in each other's weddings.  I've known her since the 5th grade.  Oddly, through all the changes, moves, and development over the years, we are sort of still the same little girls who met in 5th grade.  She is one of the most full-of-grace people I know (and not even Christian).  I'm excited to see her, and she is pregnant with their first child.

~6~

In honor of Independence Day, I'll be doing some cooking this weekend.  My in-laws are hosting a cook-out.  I'll probably bring dessert, salmon burgers, or baked beans.  We'll see.  I really love to cook, now that I've learned a thing or two.

~7~

Last week I finished up a novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots.  A special intention came up after that, and the first thing that came into my mind was that I've got to pray to St. Joseph.  My husband and I are now doing a novena to St. Joseph.  My husband is Italian, and his family has a special devotion to St. Joseph.  It was on his feast day a few years ago that we were able to find the house we now live in.  I trust he will help us get an answer this prayer too.

St. Joseph, pray for us!