7QT: Seven Quick Takes

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you Seven Quick Takes from my world this week.  (I almost didn't link up this week, I'm feeling so down with all that's happening in our world. But, this link up is mostly links to other stuff.)   

~1~

Another day, another heartbreaking news story.  Pray for our world.  Pray for peace.

~2~

I thought this article by Simcha Fisher did a pretty good job of explaining that "custody of the eyes" is not just refraining from checking out attractive people.  It also means refraining from scrutinizing and over-analyzing people (visually), leaping to conclusions, judgments, or too much curiosity.  One thing that I've always found helpful is to look for/in the person's eyes when at a loss or distracted/tempted in other ways.  If you can, pray for them too.

~3~

I'm fascinated by people who leave the gay lifestyle and came back to their faith.  Due to teaching on Natural Law and Theology of the Body, I left the secular, worldly, promiscuous lifestyle and came back (truly discovered) the Catholic faith.  It was life-changing for me.  I don't know how to reach my gay friends, since I haven't experienced what they have, but I'm encouraged by conversations and conversions like this one.  (Note that this is a link to an interview/podcast.)

~4~

Similarly (to #3), Daniel Mattson has a great response here to why Natural Law arguments do reach some people in this discussion, himself included.  You may recognize him from the documentary Desire of the Everlasting Hills.  

~5~

On a much lighter note, Gretchen Rubin mentioned on her podcast this week that New York Public Library had archived a bunch of public domain pictures.  It's beautiful at the very least, and could even be helpful.  

~6~

NPR did a segment on the new middle class.  The quote that really stood out to me was: 

"2015 was the first year on record when Americans in the middle-income bracket did not make up the majority of the country: that is, those above and below the middle class — rich and poor combined — make up half the population"

We definitely fall into this category.  Sometimes it's hard not to give into despair, yet I also feel like it's a first world problem.  We are okay, it's just not easy.

~7~

And from the public domain (referenced above), something beautiful called halymenia ligula...

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things..."

~ Philippians 4:8 ~

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume XLI)

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you seven quick takes from my world this week.

~1~

Lizz Lovett, a young wife and mother of four, passed away after a valiant fight with cancer. Contribute if you can to this GoFundMe account for her family, this video shows her courage in facing suffering and death.  She faced it and fought it head on, not giving into the lie of "death with dignity," but death with true dignity - in God's time.  Lord, have mercy.  

~2~

I am so saddened by the violence and senseless deaths in our society.  Pray for peace, unity, and an end to racism.  Although written as a result to different violent tendencies, this blog post by Fr. Dwight Longenecker came to mind this week.  As I write this, the news out of Dallas from last night is being released, even more to mourn.  More violence, more division.  I have friends who say I can't speak up because I'm not one of the minority being discriminated against.  I have other friends who think that silence is compliance.  I don't know what to do but hope and pray for better times, for justice, and for peace.    

A quote from Fr. Longenecker, 

"In the breakdown of the family, the church can become an alternative community not of hatred and fear and violence, but an alternative family of love, acceptance, forgiveness and reconciliation.  In the midst of darkness we can provide a haven and a refuge of light.  

We’d better get busy doing it!"

~3~

I hope everyone had an enjoyable Independence Day last Monday.  We went to a cook-out at my in-laws.  First we had lunch, then lounged around, went outside, watched a movie.  Then, we had all the same food for dinner a few hours later and watched fireworks.  It was fun.  For whatever reason, my 3-year-old nephew and godson was really attached to me that day.  I know the preferences of a 3-year-old are pretty fickle, but he's a sweetie, and I enjoyed hanging out.  In just a few short years, I'll be chopped liver, so I'll take it.    

~4~

I have used the summer to get a tune-up, you know like a car does, only for myself.  My insurance (the fiscal year at work) changes each July 1.  Before it changed (and prices went up), I got a check up with a new OB/GYN and a mammogram.  Then, after the change, I've made appointments for an eye appointment and dental exam.  I had to get a new dentist because of an awful experience I had last year.  I had to get a new eye doctor because the last time I drove by her office, it had turned into a Subway restaurant.  I couldn't find news of a relocation anywhere online, so off to a newbie I go.  I guess I'd better get to flossing for my dental exam (!!) I'm so bad at doing that regularly.  And, I feel like I should lose weight before seeing my regular doctor again.  She's always telling me how fat I am, and I could stand to lose 10-15 pounds.  It was refreshing to just hear how old I was from the OB/GYN.  Perhaps on a related note, I hate going to the doctor.  I do it out of obligation and self-care, but it's very hard for me.  In fact, I was so tripped out by it that they remarked that my pulse was high.        

~5~

One of the good things about living in one of the largest cities in the US is that random people pass through on layovers, for work conferences, and every now and then, someone you know moves here. I had a former student of mine contact me to say he was moving to town.  He and his wife ate dinner with my husband and me lastnight.  I'm older than my husband, and it seems that his wife is about my age, and he is about my husband's age.  Anyway, I don't see us being new BFFs, but it was fun to catch up and chat about the arts scene here and where they might live...not that I'm an expert, I still feel new, but there's something about seeing someone from "back home," that brings a nice feeling.  

~6~

This is an anonymous blog, but I still don't feel like I can say exactly what we need prayer for.  If you're the praying type and care to say a prayer for us, please do.   

~7~

After finishing a novena to Our Lady, Undoer of Knots, my husband and I just finished a novena to St. Joseph. Next, I'm going to do a novena to the Holy Spirit.  We need a lot of prayer lately.

(P.S. there's a novena app now, which has proved very handy, it's called Pray: the Catholic Novena App, and it's free.)

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us!  St. Joseph, pray for us!  Come, Holy Spirit! 

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume XL)

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you seven quick takes from my world this week.

~1~

This has been a LONG week.  Next week is a 4-day week, and last week was a 4-day work week for me (took a day off).  I knew it would feel long, but WOW has it been painfully long.  T.G.I.F.

~2~

My husband was a victim of identity theft a few years ago.  Someone illegally filed taxes under his name.  Recently he has been hit several more times with fraudulent credit card accounts opened in his name using fake addresses and hacking into his email.  And this week someone used our address illegally to open an account, which is mail fraud.  It's so exhausting and time-consuming to deal with this.  I wish people would use their time and creativity to get a job, rather than commit crimes. Supposedly the Infant Jesus of Prague is good to turn to in times of financial hardship.  Be diligent in monitoring your records, and pray for the conversion of these people.  A simple internet search revealed the identity, LinkedIn account, Facebook account, and recent mugshot for the mail fraud perpetrator. Amazing.  It was all I could do not to publicly shame this person, which would have been really stupid and counter-productive, but I get so angry.  I digress.  In this age of technology and information, it's likely a matter of time before it happens to everyone at some point.      

~3~

This article about Living with High-Functioning Anxiety is making the rounds this week.  I thought it was really good.  It took a therapist telling me (at age 33) that I had panic attacks before I knew that what I experienced was a panic attack.  It was normal to me, especially when my parents were involved.  I thought everyone felt that way, at least sometimes.  I'm still unpacking what my childhood did to me.  For others recovering from abuse, maybe you understand what I mean.  Maybe you're a recovering perfectionist, maybe you have anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks.  Maybe you're still unraveling and trying to understand, like I am.  Maybe you have a hard time in certain environments because of your past.  If so, the article may help you feel less alone.  It neglects the spiritual element, and I do have hope because of my faith.  I also believe in physical, medical help, not just praying and spiritual solutions to very real problems.  Maybe this article can help you put a name to the way you experience life.  Recognizing it is often the first step toward healing.

~4~

Those of us from religiously abusive backgrounds can often find it traumatic to read the Bible.  The words were used against us, used in unhealthy ways, misinterpreted, proof-texted to justify bad behavior, etc.  It has helped me a lot, as a Catholic, to hear the word proclaimed in a liturgical setting with reverence and with no interpretation (until the homily).  It has also helped that the common translation used in mass is different from the one I am most familiar with, so even though the text is the same, there are subtle differences between the traumatic version of the Bible from my youth and the Bible I most often hear read at mass.

This article addresses what to do when reading the Bible is difficult.  I found it pretty helpful.  It recommends to change translations in order to hear things differently (like a band covering a song puts their own twist on it).  I have also heard that it's good to read the Bible aloud slowly and in your own voice in order to replace the negative memory of the Bible read by someone else's abusive voice. There are also many techniques, such as lectio divina, which can help you slow down, meditate on words one at a time, and re-construct your understanding.     

The thing that is so sad to me is that I know the Bible is God's Word...what I mean by that as a Catholic, and what some fundamentalists mean by that is probably different.  I hate that a good and holy book, a source of our faith, has been so mis-used and abused to the point that some cannot even read the Bible.  Talk about a trick of old hairy legs.  Having said that, God is love.  He is beyond the Bible.  He is in the Church, the Sacraments, in nature, in the soul of everyone we know and love.  We can experience God in other ways when the Bible just doesn't help.

Our pastor taught us about progressive revelation (not the same as progressivism).  This viewpoint has saved my view of the Bible and helped it not be an abusive, re-traumatizing book for me.  It's the idea that God revealed himself slowly, over time.  First, it was to the Jewish people, revealing that there was only one God, and calling them to live a certain, strange way.  They never really got it.  They were rebellious and fell back into their old ways many times.  It started with 10 commandments.  Finally, after centuries of relationship and covenant, broken and re-committed, we were ready for the revelation of Jesus.  Reading the Old Testament is like reading the diary of a teenager, our pastor says.  It is their idea and understanding of God, in so far he has revealed himself up to that point.  It is limited in their understanding (thus, the teenager part), and they don't have the revelation of Christ and salvation that later comes into our understanding.    

When I read a troubling passage that asks God to smite enemies, I think, yeah...they have a teenager's understanding of who God is.  They think he hates the "bad guys" as much as they do.  There is darkness and light together.  Their understanding of God was limited to what He had revealed at that time in history.

I'm not a theologian, this is just my armchair/laywoman's explanation of something that was helpful to me.    

~5~

This weekend I get to see one of my oldest and dearest friends.  We were bridesmaids in each other's weddings.  I've known her since the 5th grade.  Oddly, through all the changes, moves, and development over the years, we are sort of still the same little girls who met in 5th grade.  She is one of the most full-of-grace people I know (and not even Christian).  I'm excited to see her, and she is pregnant with their first child.

~6~

In honor of Independence Day, I'll be doing some cooking this weekend.  My in-laws are hosting a cook-out.  I'll probably bring dessert, salmon burgers, or baked beans.  We'll see.  I really love to cook, now that I've learned a thing or two.

~7~

Last week I finished up a novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots.  A special intention came up after that, and the first thing that came into my mind was that I've got to pray to St. Joseph.  My husband and I are now doing a novena to St. Joseph.  My husband is Italian, and his family has a special devotion to St. Joseph.  It was on his feast day a few years ago that we were able to find the house we now live in.  I trust he will help us get an answer this prayer too.

St. Joseph, pray for us!

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume XXXIX)

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you seven quick takes from my world this week.

~1~

Here is an awesome article about overcoming sins of the tongue.  Even us introverts can be very guilty about this.  I love and crave silence, but that doesn't mean I don't have inner noise.  At the same time, that doesn't mean I don't sin in my words also.  Lord, have mercy.

~2~  

Speaking of loving silence and being introverted, Susan Cain, author of Quiet, wrote an interesting article here about our personalities as we age.  Do you ever feel more introverted or extroverted with age?  It turns out that in our younger years, most of us are more extroverted overall because of the biological tendency to be seeking a mate and "putting ourselves out there."  As we age, we settle in more to our natural personalities and tendencies, become more emotionally stable, and sometimes more pronounced in our introversion/extroversion.

While I love people, I am an introvert at heart, although it oddly took me years to figure that out.  My growing up family did not exactly value introversion.  On the one hand, if my parents hadn't pushed me, I might be afraid to speak to people.  On the other hand, it was not "okay" in their eyes to not be a "people person."  As a pastor's kid and also with some narcissism in our household, there was this mindset that we had to appear one way to the outside world and put forth a certain image.  Part of it was also an attempt to convert people to Christianity.  In college, I constantly put myself in very extroverted situations - performing music, giving campus tours, being a freshman orientation leader.  Later in my twenties I worked as a college recruiter/admissions counselor.  I met with strangers constantly on campus as well as in travel.  While it was draining on some level, I also enjoyed it.  That interaction is one thing I miss in my current job...even though I'm an introvert.

I moved to one of the largest cities in the US a few years ago (where I currently live).  The constant flux of people in traffic, work, every store you visit, every activity you do outside the home, whether it's grocery shopping or church attendance, is quite draining to me as an introvert.  Even if I don't interact directly with all these people on the bus or in the store, I find the hustle and bustle of the big city to have its own quirky effects on my introverted personality.

What do you think?  Have you gotten more introverted or extroverted over time?  Are you married to someone who is opposite of you?  Do you find big cities taxing on your introverted soul?  Did you, like me, miss a call to the life of a hermit?  

~3~

Here is an awesome article about not giving into despair.  With our world the way it seems lately, it's easy to despair.  I recently heard a podcast on the Catholic Commute about the three cardinal virtues: faith, hope, and love.  His point was that most of us struggle primarily with one of those three, while to some degree, we all struggle with all three.  I'm pretty sure that I struggle with hope the most, as I am prone to despair.  I didn't even know it was a sin for a long time!  Growing up Calvinist, despair and the wringing of hands were commonplace when we evaluated our world.  I somehow internalized the message that despair and self-hatred were holy.  Now I know that hope is a virtue, one I seek to cultivate.

~4~

I have to say, after the Orlando shootings, not only was the event itself devastating, but the reaction in the culture was equally devastating to me.  This article by Sister Theresa Aletheia Noble was one of the best responses I have seen.

"I pray for anyone who uses the media to promote violence, including any kind of petty division and animosity toward those we perceive to be our ideological opponents."

"Will this tragedy move us to become more like Omar Mateen or more like Christ?"

~5~

As a classically trained musician, it was heartwarming to see this article about a priest who uses his piano skills to relate to people, much like others would use sports.  I wax nostalgic for the days in which everyone had a basic music education, could read music (such as a hymn), and in which a piano was in most middle-class homes.  

~6~

It seems the Pope has made yet another controversial statement by saying that most Catholic marriages are likely null.  I have to say, if our marriage preparation was any indication of the typical Catholic marriage preparation across the US, then he is probably right.  It was abysmal.  

We took a personality test, which had wildly inaccurate results for us, and reviewed it with a non-therapist over several weeks.  We attended a one day-long workshop with a minimal discussion on issues such as finances, sex, extended family/in-laws, religion, etc. with input from a non-therapist facilitator, a married couple, and a priest.  

If it weren't for the fact that I had dated my husband off and on for seven years before we married, and for the fact that we had been going through a reputable couple's relationship book and workbook on our own (at the recommendation of a licensed therapist), and the fact that I was seeing a therapist due to my family's rejection of our marriage and my Catholicism, and the fact that my husband came from a very stable, loving home, and the fact that we (on our own) sought out and attended sessions about NFP, Theology of the Body, and Natural Law all before getting marriage...then, I fear we would have no tools going into our marriage and be another statistic.  

I remember looking around the room during the one-day workshop and wondering which of us would make it, and which of us would not.  I feel too young to already know people who have been divorced and remarried.  And yet, with the lack of Catholic marriage preparation we received and the way our culture is, I understand why many marriages fail, or why they are deemed "null" in the first place.  Maybe there are more annulments now because more people really do not know what they are getting into and how to fulfill their vows.  

If the marriage of a man and a woman is a profound mystery, a union that mirrors the love of Christ for the Church, it is no wonder that it is so messed up.  It's a prime target for the enemy, and we have few examples of long, loving, healthy relationships. 

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 

and the two will become one flesh.  

This mystery is profound, 

but I am speaking about Christ and the church."

~ Ephesians 5:31-32 ~

~7~

I'm doing a novena to Our Lady, Undoer of Knots.  So powerful!  I'd never seen this image before.  

Pray for us!

  

    

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume XXXVIII)

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you seven quick takes from my world this week.  

~1~

I'm devastated by the shootings in Orlando this week.  What's more, I'm also concerned by the reaction I've seen.  I have lots of gay friends, even a few who live in Orlando (they are okay).  My more liberal and/or gay friends in general have said that Christians are responsible for this shooting, despite the fact that the shooter was Muslim.  I have seen memes and posts that equate lack of support for gay marriage or a lack of support for gun control with the murder itself of gay people, posts that have said that straight people are responsible for creating this atmosphere.  I am sad that these deaths are being politicized over gun control and bathroom laws, over labels of hate crime versus terrorist.  No one deserves to die in that way.  Our religion says to love another, and thou shalt not kill.  I am trying to understand where they are coming from.  It is no coincidence that the majority of the countries in which you can be killed simply for being homosexual are Islamic countries.  By the same token, I don't appreciate the Catholic bishop who basically fed into this mindset by indicting Catholics as well or the ACLU for somehow blaming a different religion than that of the shooter for his actions.  We cannot even discuss anymore rationally.  We cannot disagree without it being seen as "hate" or irrational fear (the definition of "phobia").  Due to the sad divisions with Christianity, those who also hold to the label of "Christian" might propagate hateful ideas, and we are all indicted.  Despite the fact that many cry "not all Muslims" are terrorists, it seems that the battle cry that "not all Christians" are bigoted spewers of hate, the logic does not seem to apply equally.  I understand that this specific attack can be seen as a hate crime aimed at the LGBT community.  That is wrong.  I also think there is room for both/and rather than either/or.  It can be terror and hate.  Sadly, I don't see how the label matters.  I am listening, trying not to wound further my friends who are directly hurt by this. I understand how this attack seems like a threat to all, and I don't want to minimize that.  

Yet, I foresee a dark future for anyone who holds to true Catholic teaching as it relates to marriage, sexuality, the human person, etc.  In the meantime,
       
        "May the souls of these victims in Orlando, and the souls of all the faithful departed, 
               through the mercy of God, rest in peace.  Amen."

~2~

Quite related to number 1, Joseph Sciambra provides a nice Catholic response to this tragedy as an ex-gay man.  He is much more qualified than I to have an opinion about the best approach.  (This post on his blog was also featured on Lifesite news.)  He also was interviewed in a wonderful podcast, which you can catch here.  I believe this is the defining issue of our time: sexual identity. It's not abortion, the death penalty, divorce and remarriage, it's sexual identity.  The Church quite simply has not done a good job of providing the truth with clarity, and not just that but providing healing.  If we view this as a wound, not just a sin, then we need to help people have alternatives.  We provide healing retreats from those involved in abortion, why not provide healing retreats from those who have had unwanted same-sex attraction?  There is much to be done, and as a married straight woman, I have no idea what I am to do, I just know we have got to respond better as a Church. Learning about natural law and Theology of the Body was life-changing for me.  It changed my mind and my behavior.  It is likely the reason I am still Catholic.  If I had not understood these issues on a deep level, I would possibly have left the Church over them, before having a re-conversion of sorts. Pray, pray, pray for our world and our Church.   

~3~

It's not every day that you get to hear one of your favorite authors speak.  This week, Dawn Eden gave a talk about her book Remembering God's Mercy that was I able to attend in person.  It was great.  I hope I didn't act like too much of a dork when I met her, since I was saint*-struck.  Again, it's the best book I've read this year, and I read about one book per week of non-fiction Catholic theology or spirituality books such as this.  I highly recommend for anyone struggling with past pain or painful memories.

(*Catholic equivalent of star-struck upon meeting a future saint)

~4~

They're making a documentary about Misophonia!  Here's a link to the trailer.  Very depressing preview, I have to say.  I'm not sure I want to watch it, but the fact that it exists makes me feel less psycho.  Don't forget, it's thought that Therese of Liseaux had this too.

~5~

On a much-needed lighter note, there is now such a profession as a water sommelier.  That's right - an expert in how different waters taste, impact your meals, or when enjoyed alone.  All you have to do is visit a bar in Los Angeles to consult a water menu, cultivated by the water sommelier.

Ain't America decadent grand?

~6~

I'm behind the times, since we don't have cable (or even the free channels).  But, we watched a cute movie this week.  It promoted nice family values, even though there were tear-jerking moments, it was overall a happy, sweet story.  I recommend for kids and parents alike, The Good Dinosaur.

~7~

One of my favorite depictions of the Blessed Mother - Madonna of the Lilies by Bouguereau.  

Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God!

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume XXXVII)

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you seven quick takes from my world this week.

~1~

Motherhood.

Motherhood is on my mind lately, ever since Mother's Day.  And ever since two of my closest friends (bridesmaids at my wedding) have announced their first pregnancies.  Here are two articles about it - one that's from a more "worldly" perspective - you never know why someone has the number of children they do or the struggles they're going through.  Another one from Meg that acknowledges the crosses that come with blessings. 

~2~

Is "tidying up" actually magic?

I finished reading the Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up.  Gretchen Rubin posts here about her take on it.  Overall, Rubin's point is that TLCMOTU tends to give a one-size-fits-all approach, whereas Rubin's research on habits reveals that there is no such thing.  You have to "hack" habits (including tidying up) in a way that works with your nature so that the effect is long term.  I agree with Rubin, having read her book on habits, which was not my favorite, but definitely seemed like it would apply to many more people.  

I enjoyed the book, but I won't say it changed my life.  Honestly, I think the novelty of someone from a different culture proposing a drastic approach must be very appealing in its exoticism and claims of success.  I read it as a way to gear up mentally for some summer cleaning.  What I got from it is "when in doubt, throw it out."  Also, be grateful for your stuff.  If you're getting rid of something, be grateful for the purpose it served during that time.  (Kondo injects this with some animism, but it's easy to translate into gratitude.)  My beef with the book was that it barely addressed the kitchen, which contains a LOT of stuff for most Americans, I'd guess.  The other issue I had was that she clearly saw one best way to do things, and only one.  One best way to fold your socks, one best way to deal with your purse, one best way to clean the shower, etc.  While it does present a comprehensive approach, it just didn't seem like it would work in reality for many people.  What Kondo calls "tidying up" I would call minimalism.  In that sense, you do it once, you're done for life, as she claims.  If you read the book in that paradigm, I can see how her claims are believable or would work.

Bottom line, Americans overall have way too much stuff.  The questions - is it necessary? is it beautiful? - are much more helpful to me as I go through my stuff.  The thought of just purging once (Kondo's version of "tidying up") and being done for life strikes me as completely unrealistic.  If you're going completely minimalistic and have family buy-in, it might work that way.  My guess is, like laundry, tidying up seems to be an unfortunate part of life's drudgery that is never done.  

~3~

Currently Reading.

Drunks and Monks by John Carmichael

Uniformity with God's Will by St. Alphonsus Liguori

~4~

Memory.

Someone very close to me suffers from short-term memory loss, whereas I have a very good memory. The role of memory in holiness has fascinated me.  Dawn Eden explores this really well in her book Remembering God's Mercy (my favorite book this year) as it relates to the line about memory in the Suscipe prayer: 

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,

my memory, my understanding,

and my entire will,

All I have and call my own.

You have given all to me.

To you, Lord, I return it.

Everything is yours; do with it what you will.

Give me only your love and your grace,

that is enough for me.

I have loved that prayer, ever since I heard it.  The part about memory stuck out to me, as I could vividly remember abuse from my past.  I remember one day asking God about that.  The next day, I had a clear dream or word of knowledge that it wasn't the fact that I remembered something that was significant, it was how I remembered it.  Did I remember it in context of God's love?  Could I re-frame it in a healthy way?  The memories weren't going anywhere, but my understanding of them could change.

Here's a really interesting (somewhat related) article about why we should memorize, even though the classical approach of memorization in learning has somewhat gone out of fashion.

~5~

Suffering and Aging.

There were a few articles this week about suffering, dealing with aging loved ones, and loss.  I think our culture is in a time that disregards suffering and wants to do away with the dying.  Follow these links if interested.

http://www.firstthings.com/web-exclusives/2010/08/love-limits-and-loss

http://aleteia.org/2016/04/19/i-had-the-patience-of-a-saint-but-alzheimers-has-stolen-it/

~6~

Weather.

There has been a lot of disaster-level, emergency-inducing weather where I live lately.  We are okay, aside from the inconvenience of road closures and roads flash-flooding, but many are displaced.  Pray for them!

~7~

Sacred Heart of Jesus. 

Before I was Catholic, I visited the Sacre Coeur basilica in Paris.  I loved it and brought a cross home from there.  A few years later, at my confirmation, my dear friend gave me a necklace with the Sacred Heart of Jesus on it.  I was always drawn to it, but still am learning so much about it.  We recently watched Fr. Gaitley's Divine Mercy series via Formed dot org.  I learned the connection between the Sacred Heart, the Little Way of Therese (also one of my favorites), and Divine Mercy (another of my favorites).  

Today is the feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, depicted as on fire with love for you.  You can run to that heart, hide in that heart, hear that heart beating with love for you and for the whole world. There is no fear when our God has a heart like this.  Let his heart heal your heart.    

Ezekial 36:26

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume XXXVI)

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you seven quick takes from my world this week.

~1~

Those who can't - cant.

I'll be cantoring at mass this weekend.  (get the joke?)  Say a little prayer for me.  I used to do it regularly for about 8-9 years.  It never, ever got any easier to sing in public.  As in, when you hear me sing, you'll know I'm a trained instrumentalist.  Yes, it's in tune and the rhythms are correct.  That's about all I can say.  I know bad cantors are a dime a dozen in the Catholic Church (unfortunately), but G-d sure is funny when I ask Him how I can be more involved in music and in my parish.  

~2~

Modesty. 

I think I've come full circle on the modesty debate/issue.  As a kid, women were "less than" men, and seen as the source of/responsible for all male temptation.  Not only was fashion pretty unflattering in the '90's, but I didn't know how to make myself look my best.  Looking back at pictures, I realize I was never as fat/ugly as I thought I was.  I just didn't know how to dress and do makeup well.

Fast forward to college, and I lost a little bit of weight, fashions slightly changed, I was away from my parents, and modestly generally went out the window...not to the extent that it could have due to my self-hatred and incredibly low self-esteem, but looking back, I cringe.  I enjoyed the male attention I got, and I used myself and others physically.  I was okay with drawing immodest attention to myself in some contexts - like when there was drinking involved.  (a really bad combo)

Now, here I am, having gone through a conversion and reversion of sorts - first to Catholicism, then to a deeper understanding and practice of the Catholic faith.  I'm now married, and I feel very drawn to dressing more modestly.  My senses feel assaulted by what others wear (I work on a college campus, so this is a regular occurrence).  I don't want to dress like a frump, but I've pretty much gotten to the point of never wearing sleeveless, layering so as to avoid cleavage, and wearing longer and longer hemlines of skirts.  I've even stopped wearing heels for the most part.  My swimsuit last summer (which was the most comfortable I've ever been) was a swim shirt and swim trunks.  I don't feel any shame in this.  It's not like I think I'm tempting others by my rabid attractiveness.  I don't feel like I'm responsible for the thoughts of others, so much as I feel less and less comfortable showing that skin.  I want to look "normal," but I am actually more comfortable the more I cover up.  I have joked with my husband that I will simplify my wardrobe and get more and more "modest" to the point that I'll be wearing a habit one day...even though I'm married.  I see the beauty in covering up.

I'm still on a journey about what this means for me.  Will I become one of those "no pants/skirts only" women?  Will I keep my hair long?  Will I start looking frumpy?  I don't know that there's any one answer or hard and fast rules.  Height, age, etc. often affect rules about length, for instance.  I don't judge what others wear.  I pray for them when the outfit distracts or tempts me to lust.  I just know that I'm on a journey to understanding modesty, in the context of my vocation to marriage and to chastity as a virtue.  I think there is a lot to be said for looking relatable, attractive, and yet, modest.  

Dawn Eden has a lot of good thoughts about this in her book, The Thrill of the Chaste.  I also found this article (cited in her book) as a balanced discussion for a starting point.

In this crazy society, where anything goes, anyone can see anything at anytime, and liberation is seen as license.  It's hard to know how to be relatable to others while still being as modest in clothing as I feel called to.

~3~

If the Shoe Fits...

This article contains some vulgarity, but it makes a great point.  Are high heels sexist?  I'm only 35, and I'm 5'3".  I've worn heels since I was 12 years old because I'm so short.  Especially in the workplace, I've always worn heels to be seen as more authoritative, professional, to be taken seriously, and not be treated like a child.  I've worked on college campuses for several years.  Wearing professional clothing and heels has helped distinguish me from being a college student.  I always cited the statistic I heard once that the majority of CEO's are over 6 feet tall, and height (plus being a man) helps in the workplace.  However, in the last few years, I've had to do a lot more walking just to get to-and-from my bus stop and/or car.  I can't do the heels anymore on those long walks.  They are excruciating, impractical, and I refuse to carry two pairs of shoes around all the time in order to walk in one and wear the others at work.

Is eschewing the high heel part of the next wave of feminism?  I admit, I feel dorky and frumpy in many of my flats, but my feet thank me.  I don't think I have the ability to move up in this current job, so I don't care that I'm not wearing heels and asserting myself physically.  I'd love to stay committed to this as a lifetime cause, but I still wear my heels for special occasions.  I look at the shoes men wear, and they are just comfortable, practical.  Aside from men having slightly large and wider feet, why aren't women's shoes the same as men's?  Can I wear a comfortable, practical shoe without feeling less feminine?    

There are laws in England which require women to wear heels.  It was recently protested.  As part of the uproar, some men wore heels for a day to see what it was like.  Watch the video here, it's rather humorous and absurd to see men wearing heels, yet it's completely normal for women to do the same.

I have to say, even in Catholic circles, this seems to be a problem.  I was going to join a Catholic young professionals group in my city until I read some of the dress code requirements for networking events, which included heels for women among the description of what is "business casual."  Maybe that is the standard professional definition.  I doubt there is dress code "bouncer" at the door, but it's disappointing to see it in print. ::Sigh:: - I give up.  

~4~

Currently Reading. 


The Thrill of the Chaste by Dawn Eden

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

~5~

I am happily married, but a few short years ago, this article by Matt Fradd would have resonated on every level with me.  It's slim-pickins' out there for Catholic women (men I'm sure, too, but I'm not a man, so...)  I don't want to be a smug married person.  I truly understand how hard it is out there to be single, to feel called to marriage, to feel like there are zero prospects unless you change who you are or lower your standards.  I can say from observing some people close to me that it's far better to remain single than to marry the wrong person.  Similarly, as Matt Fradd points out, there is a cross in every way of life, including marriage, even if that's what vocation you're called to.  

  

~6~

The butterfly is my personal symbol, and Gabriel Garcia Marquez wrote my favorite book, One Hundred Years of Solitude.  In reference to a fictional event in one of his books, mourners brought hundreds of yellow butterflies to the site of his burial in Colombia.  I love it.  More here.

~7~

Quote of the week:

“Spiritual living is accepting reality at any cost” - Simone Weil

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume XXXV)

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you seven quick takes from my world this week.

~1~

Coming Home.

As I mentioned yesterday with fear, trepidation, nervousness, and excitement, my conversion story is now up on the Coming Home Network website.  Check it out here, if you'd like!

~2~

Going Home. 

I just got back from a trip home to see my family.  I have a sibling who is in the states for a limited time, home from an overseas deployment.  It was good to see everyone.  We also caught up with some friends while we were in town, and there was no family drama to speak of.  All in all, a good trip home.  

~3~

Hoarding.

So, my home office/study is to a crazy level of insanely unorganized.  You'd think I was a hoarder. I'm not exaggerating.  The funny thing is that I'm generally clean and organized, but I just can't seem to stay on top of (or even get on top of) the incoming mail and paperwork I need to deal with.  I joke with my husband that we should just burn the house down and start over...not that funny.  Last weekend I spent some time unsubscribing to things and getting on the "opt out" lists for credit card offers, insurance offers, etc.  I'm hoping that helps.

~4~

Currently Reading.

The Sleep Revolution by Ariana Huffington

A Little Bit Wicked by Kristin Chenowith

What I've learned: get more sleep!  Also, there's no business like show business.

~5~

TSA

Our trip home this week was marked with unusually long wait times with the TSA.  I had heard about this, but I thought we would be exempt from it, traveling on off/non-peak hours, not travelling from/to places like NYC or Chicago.  I was wrong.  Let the traveler beware.  We waited longer in line than our first flight lasted, and if it hadn't been a delayed flight, we would have missed it.  People were running to gates, cutting in line, and generally becoming irate and restless.  It was awful.  Bonus, we ran into Sister Miriam James while in the long line.  I act like such an idiot around some people, so I said something stupid about following her on Twitter, rather than something meaningful like, "Thank you for your book/your ministry/your witness."  I will say, having a nun and a priest nearby made me have better behavior than I might have otherwise.

(This book.  It's wonderful, check it out.)  

~6~

RTS

Elizabeth Esther has a similar background to mine, and has introduced me to the concept of Religious Trauma Syndrome (RTS).  It can be seen as a form of PTSD, related to faith or religious experiences, often occurring in people who leave cults or abusive religious environments.  I'm pretty sure I have this.  For instance, I have had panic attacks before listening to Catholic radio when the caller was an anti-Catholic and the apologetics show turned into a screaming match.  Also, anytime a rain or thunderstorm wakes me up, my first thought is that it's the "rapture," or the end of the world, and I've been left behind.  I know this isn't true, but that's my first thought upon waking.  I then have to calm down to go back to sleep, which doesn't always happen.  Anyway, RTS explains the inner-workings of people like me.  We feel misunderstood a lot.  We are invalidated a lot by people who mean well.  What I like about Elizabeth Esther's take is that 1) we have a similar upbringing, 2) we both became Catholic, 3) she's able to be a person who still has faith, while also maintaining a healthy balance of recovering from this stuff.  The woman who coined the term RTS, for instance, was raised Christian and is now atheist.  While I respect everyone's journey, I appreciate the insights EE has as a person who is overcoming the abusive aspects while also retaining belief that is balanced and healthy.  If you haven't already, check out her book too.)

~7~

TGIF

That's all I got, folks.  Keep the faith.  Have a lovely weekend.  

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume XXXIV)

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you seven quick takes from my world this week.

~1~

The Mundane. 

I never thought I could be so excited about a stretch of highway, but due to mother nature's work on April 18th, we have been unable to use several major thoroughfares near our house for nearly four weeks.  This has made my already long commute (1-1.5 hours each way) into unbelievably long (2-2.5 hours each way).  So, I'm back to spending 2-3 hours per day in the car, rather than 4-5.  I'm back to getting up at 6 am rather than 5 am.

I'll take it.  My bosses graciously let me work from home a few times the last month.  I wish that would be a permanent arrangement, but it won't.  I'm just glad to have the convenience back.  

~2~

Mother's Day. 

I wrote about Mother's Day here on the blog.  A tough holiday for some.

~3~

Fambly.

I will be traveling next week to see my family.  My brother has been overseas with the military for about a year.  We haven't seen him since August, and he couldn't come home for Christmas.  My parents graciously paid for my husband and me to join in the celebrations next week.  So, I'll be headed to a little family get together.  

~4~

Fr. Anthony

My husband is a member of a Lay Cistercian community.  Their spiritual director died this week.  I met him three times while on retreats with my husband.  He was a rare gift to the world.  Very humble, wise, funny, spunky, honest, loving.  It's hard to quantify how a simple monk could have such a profound impact on so many, but he did, myself included.  I was looking forward to seeing him again on our next retreat.  As sad as it is to lose him, I'm grateful for him and his life.  His was a life well-lived.  He knew who he was, what he was called to do, and he did it - all for God.  We'll miss you Fr. Anthony.  Please pray for us.     

  

~5~

Friday the 13th.

I know relatively little about Our Lady of Fatima, but I do know that on May 13 is when she first appeared to the children of Fatima.  I recently learned a little more about all of it via the Divine Mercy series (which is available on Formed dot org for a limited time).  I highly recommend the series.  Our world needs mercy.  It's beautiful to see the progression from the Sacred Heart to St. Therese to St. Faustina and Pope St. John Paul II.  Clearly this is a message for our time.  

~6~

Working Weekend.

I work in higher education.  Near graduation time, we are always called into the office one weekend to get everything ready.  It went well last weekend.  It just cracked me up to see my boss in a t-shirt reading "TGIF - This Grandma is Fabulous" and another co-worker (also a grandma) wearing a t-shirt that said "sexy" on it...maybe there's a reason for those dress codes on the other days of the week.  

~7~

In an effort not to drown in despair, I simply implore us all to pray for our world.  Whether it's culture wars, the next election, public bathrooms, persecution of minorities in other parts of the world, ISIS, or our own futures, there is much to fret about.  But, we aren't called to fret.  Pray, do penance, and trust in God.  

Here We Are

I was going to link up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you Seven Quick Takes from my world this week....but last Friday turned into today (Monday), and 7 quick takes turned into random ramblings on Mother's Day.  So, here we go.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. I have to say it's a difficult day for me. I love my mom, but we aren't that close. She did the best she could under difficult circumstances. But, the emotional temperature of our relationship is like what I would guess a distant great aunt is like or something.  It's hard to honor someone when the way you're expected to honor them is dictated to you by society and by parental expectations.  [I literally received a message instructing me on what I should post on Facebook regarding Mother's Day.]  Most people adore their mothers, consider them best friends, have warm fuzzy feelings toward them...  

The sting is not as deep this year.  I am learning to feel more of God's love than ever before.  I am trying to cultivate a relationship with Mary.  I'm more secure in myself and my boundaries.  It's easy to recognize the crazy and quickly dismiss it now, more than ever before.  But, those of us with abusive parents have a hard time with Mother's Day (and Father's Day).  As an adult child, it's hard to know how to honor and respect them, how to forgive them, and how to keep good boundaries without becoming hard-hearted or falling back into the familiar dysfunction.    

Not to give my mom too hard of a time.  After all, she did apologize last year in an unprecedented move.  She basically said she was sorry for so much of our childhood pain.  And that was deeply healing.  (See: The Day I Thought Would Never Come)  But...it's complicated.  There's not a hallmark card that says how I feel, nor should I necessarily express all that comes into my mind and heart.  I just struggle sometimes with why.  Supposedly God only allows things into our life that will bring about a greater good, that will bring about His will.  I should be grateful.  Yet, in this life, it's hard to see - why did He pick them as my parents?  why did He allow the abuse?  why did it have to be so hard?  I see the broken lives of my siblings and the struggles I have had.  I feel like my entire childhood was a cross to bear, and I ask - there's more?  more suffering ahead?  You mean, the entire Christian life is about crosses?  I digress.     

Then there's the nagging question - when and how will I ever be a mother?  People mean well, but they can be insensitive.  Much like the sting of Mother's Day, the sting of "are you pregnant yet?" or "when is it going to be your turn?" hurts a little less now too.  I know they mean well.  I don't have the emotional energy to give to each and every drama that could be, each and every remark, each and every assumption.  I can "let it be" a little more easily than in the past.  But, suffice it to say, when you look at another person's life circumstances, things may not be what they are for the reasons you think.  Many single people would love to be married.  Many childless people would love to be parents.  As each day, month, year slides by and time flies and marches on, I do wonder what life will hold for me.  For me and my husband.  For me and my womb.      

My comfort is that we have a spiritual mother.  As foreign and mysterious as she is, I know she's also very close to me, that she probably helped bring me into the Church, and that if I could only receive her love, I'd receive more of God's love.  If I could follow her way, I'd find The Way.  

"Lovely Lady, dressed in blue, teach me how to pray."

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume XXXIII)

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you seven quick takes from my world this week.  

~1~

I'm baaack.

So, I kind of took a blogging hiatus for about the last 4 months...not that anyone even reads/notices/cares, but I'm back-ish.  I'm not sure if this space will stay what it has been, but I re-activated ye-old blog for now. 

I really have felt the need to retreat and get my priorities straight the last few months.  I'm not sure I'm "there" yet, but I enjoyed the break.  By the same token,  I have a strong need to write.  I want to start a blog or write a book or something.  And yet, I really feel like I need to retain some privacy. (Ari is a nickname.)  At the same time, I have considered purchasing a domain and just starting a new blog there.  Lots to keep in mind.  I want it to have the potential to talk about anything, but most of the things I think to write about concern my Catholic faith.  

~2~

Future.

Life is really good with my husband.  I thank God for that and for him every day.  I do wonder what our future holds.  In other words, will we ever have children?  It's hard to be a female in the Catholic blog-o-sphere because it seems that everyone is a mom-blogger or has 1-10 children.  I'm certainly open to life and want children.  We practice NFP right now.  It's tax season and open enrollment for my insurance at work.  More than ever, the reality has set in that we just cannot afford children right now.  And there are other factors, like my husband's disability.  And other factors too, concerning my health.  Sometimes I wonder how the middle class ever make it in this country.  Are we even middle class?  Our mortgage went up, our insurance went up, our phone bill went up, etc....of course the salaries have not gone up and the coverage of said insurance has decreased.  It's just a crunch time for us financially...and will be for at least the next 3 years or so.  By then I will be even-more-advanced maternal age.  I don't want to give into despair.  And yet, I didn't think this would be my life story.    

Jesus, I trust in You. 

Thy will be done.  

~3~

Commute.

On a lighter note, one major shift that has occurred since the last blog post was that I am now a commuter who uses public transportation.  I have always hated driving, but the possibility of using public transportation to get to work has never been an option, even though we live in one of the largest cities in the US.  However, recently the routes and whatnot have been changed for the buses in our city.  Wouldn't you know it, but I can now get on a nice charter-type bus, and let someone else deal with traffic for me?  It's awesome.  I'm dropped off right by my office.  I can park for free where I catch the bus, or if need be, my husband can drop me off because it's not too far from home. Granted, it still takes about 1.5 - 2 hours to get to and from work, so I'm still basically gone 7a-7p most days, and that does suck....but the amount of time that I personally am driving every day has been reduced from 2-4 hours per day to about 1 hour per day.  This is a huge improvement on my mental health, wear-and-tear on my car, and physical health.  I just can't even express the joy that I have found not having to drive so much in the worst traffic on earth.  It has also made me better able to cope with my job and some of the innate frustrations of work.  I don't arrive at work after fighting traffic for 1.5-2 hours.  I don't arrive home hangry and in near tears out of stress, I arrive after sitting on an air-conditioned bus while I sip coffee, read, or listen to podcasts.  It's amazing.  I feel like this change has bought me more time at my job.  I didn't see how it was sustainable for the long-run...even though I've worked here for over 3 years now.  It has been a major, drastic, awesome life change.  I can't fathom going back to driving so much.      

~4~

Mass.

Thanks to another shift in the schedule of a nearby chapel, I'm able to attend daily mass a few days a week now during my lunch break.  I really felt like I needed something more in my spiritual life. And, while I still need even more of God in my life, these few extra days a week in which I can receive the Eucharist and go to mass are a huge, huge blessing.  

~5~

Easter. 

We had a wonderful Easter a few weeks ago.  We went to the Easter Vigil, which lasted almost 4 hours at our church.  After it was over, we saw some friends of ours from the young adult group.  They invited a bunch of us over for crepes.  It was so fun.  I felt like a crazy Catholic, having a post-Easter-vigil party in the middle of the night.  We got home around 3:30 am, and had to be up at 5:30 am to play music for Easter services the next day.  Yes, we were so tired on 2 hours of sleep, but it was worth it.  I always think back to my partying, "worldly" days or college exploits.  I would have easily partied through the night for less-than-noble reasons in my past...why can't we celebrate the Resurrection with our friends in the same, over-the-top way?  The answer is, we can!  Christ is risen.      

~6~

Conversion Story.

I found out that in the future (not sure when), my conversion story will appear on the Coming Home Network - either in the newsletter or website (or both?).  As I stated before, Ari is a nickname for me.  It was important that my story retain some amount of privacy, due to the things I shared about my family and the way my Catholicism has affected my relationship with my parents.  (Short story - it has been rough, my dad is a Protestant minister of the anti-Catholic variety.)  I have shared most of my story on this blog, too.  

     [You can read it here: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV if interested]

Anyway, my husband has a family member who is marrying a non-Catholic soon.  The future spouse has pressured my husband's family member to leave the Church.  I truly think that only those who don't fully understand the faith could ever leave it.  It breaks my heart.  When I heard about that situation, I felt the urge to write my story down and submit it to the Coming Home Network.  I thought, even if it could help one person, I should tell it.  Of course, immediately after sending I felt a nauseous pang of regret, but I chalked that up to the enemy.  I'm not perfect, and I love hearing how God has worked in the lives of others.  Why not share how He has worked in mine too?  I'll keep the blog updated as to when the story is posted on the Coming Home Network.  

~7~

Prayers.

I feel a strong urge to pray for this crazy, fallen world of ours.  It seems like every single day, something more horrifying than the previous day occurs.  It's overwhelming to me.  I have family members in dangerous parts of the world, although, I'm coming to think that "dangerous" is everywhere.   

Did you know that St. Faustina was told in her visions that before Christ came as Judge, there would be a renewal of His Mercy?  I think we are in that renewal now.  The Year of Mercy.  Our world needs mercy.  A true understanding of it.  (Side note - one of the best books I have read recently is Remembering God's Mercy by Dawn Eden...check it out.)  

Anyway, will you consider praying for our country?  against ISIS?  for Catholics to come home?  for whatever God places across your path?  Even if it's an extra Hail Mary a day, or a quick "Lord, have Mercy," our world needs it.  

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume XXXII)

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum to bring you seven quick takes from my world this week.  

~1~

Modern Dinner Party.

I posted outside of my normal Friday 7QT earlier this week to tell a story about a recent dinner party we attended.  Political affiliations and salaries were discussed.  Awkward?  Yes.  As the days continue to pass, it's still on my mind, so I know it must have bothered me.  It only recently occurred to me that perhaps I had differing political views from everyone else because I am in a different tax bracket/economic status.  Le sigh.

What do you think?  Is every topic of discussion fair game these days?

~2~

Introvert Offices.  

I'm a introvert who loves people.  (Hello, fellow INFJs.)  One of the frustrations of my job is that I don't interact with others as much as I'd like.  On other hand, working in a cubicle that has no door and is "exposed" to passersby 100% of the time is also draining to me as an introvert, not to mention that there is absolutely no ambiance.  I realized that my "alone time" at works comes...during my bathroom breaks.  Even though it's not a private bathroom (i.e., there are stalls), having a DOOR to close and not be bothered or seen by anyone else is a relief.

Here's the glorious view out my cubicle doorway.  No view of the outside world, but 100% view of me anytime anyone walks by.  I can't take a lunch break without interruption, so I usually leave for lunch.  I can't speak with anyone in the cubicle without everyone overhearing me.  This is bothersome to me.  It doesn't seem to bother my coworkers, who have discussed everything from their child's divorce to their cat's special food to their own prescriptions within earshot of others in our cubicle world.  (True stories.)  Study after study has proven that open concept office spaces are not as effective, not just for introverts, but for all employees.  But, they do seem to prevail in our modern day workplaces.

Oh well.  I shall survive.    

FYI - For Your Inspiration Information

~3~

Relics. 

As part of the Year of Mercy, Pope Francis sent Saint Maria Goretti on a voyage around the world. We were fortunate enough to see the relic in person last week.  I had never heard of her before, but the story is amazing.  She not only forgave her attempted rapist and murderer, but her mother then adopted him.  The mother forgave him too.  He had a vision of St. Maria Goretti forgiving him, which led him to repent and turn his life around (up until then, he had been a violent inmate and claimed innocence in the crime.)  He then forgave himself.    

Here is a video which details some of the same information I learned that night.

I have to say, as a Catholic convert, this kind of thing really rubs against my natural sensibilities.  I can see how those who do not understand think that we are being superstitious or taking away from God's glory or being pagan.  I was thrilled that so many thousands of people would take the time to pay respects to a saint, but I felt like one of those "crazy Catholics."  I do believe in the communion of saints, and I think St. Maria Goretti's story is very powerful.  I feel sometimes like immigrants must feel in their adopted homelands.  I doesn't come naturally to do things like this, but I believe it's true. Amid the huge crowd, the hours in line, the loud people speaking English and Spanish and Vietnamese (which was distracting from the atmosphere of prayer, to be sure), I still know God was there.

Yes, Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief.   

St. Maria Goretti - pray for us!

I have a new favorite for my personal litany of saints, the Little Saint of Great Mercy.

~4~

Self-Hatred.

When God speaks to me, He has to be very clear, or I just don't get it.

It wasn't until earlier this year that I realized the voice of self-hatred and condemnation, even if it's your own inner voice, is not of God.  If it's not from God, then who is it from?  The enemy.  Plain and simple as that.  I learned this from Fr. Timothy Gallagher and from Deacon James Keating as I read and listened to talks about spiritual discernment and marriage.  It was a powerful revelation.  My "self-talk" has always been extremely negative.  I would never speak to anyone else out loud the way I am accustomed to inner self-talk.

Well, within 10 days, I have gotten three separate messages about self-hatred being of the enemy. The first was Fr. Robert Barron's series about The Mystery of God.  In discussing the Trinity, he talks about the idea that as God knows Himself in the Son, the only proper response is to love, which is the Spirit.  (This is originally from Aquinas or Augustine, I believe.)  In a similar way, as we learn who we truly are, in Christ, the only natural response is to love ourselves (in a healthy, balanced way).

Next, our priest gave an excellent homily on All Saints Day.  While the focus of the homily was not self-love, he made a remark in passing that struck me.  To end up in hell is to end up in self-hatred. In other words, when you end up in hell, it is because you have disobeyed God.  One of the primary ways we do that is to reject his divine design, the goodness we are created for and to live according to our own designs.  It's idolatry, essentially.  And, as the good priest said, in not following God's design, you aren't your truest self.  And hell is the culmination of such self-hatred.

Finally, the homily at the mass surrounding the viewing of the relics of St. Maria Goretti... The priest instructed us on how to pray when we venerated the relic.  This is a saint of great mercy and forgiveness.  He told us to pray something like, "Lord Jesus Christ, through the intercession of St. Maria Goretti and in your name, I forgive (so and so) for doing (such and such) to me."  But, then he made an excellent point.  St. Maria Goretti's murderer and attempted rapist had a vision of her forgiveness.  He had a vision of God's forgiveness.  But, had he not also forgiven himself, he could have never lived the rest of his life in peace.  So, we were also instructed to pray, "Lord Jesus Christ, through the intercession of St. Maria Goretti and in your name, I forgive myself for doing (everything you are most ashamed of)."  This piece of the forgiveness puzzle is absolutely crucial.

It was the third confirmation within 10 days that God does not want me to hate myself.  My husband squeezed my hand when the priest said that, knowing the journey I'm on.  And a tear fell from my eye.  I knew it was a message for me.

Let us all be free.  Let us all forgive others and ourselves.  Lay it down at the foot of the cross and leave it there.

~5~

Old Friends.

I've had an old friend in town this week.  It's been great to catch up.  Funny how it's easier to pick up where you left off with some people than it is with other people.  I'm grateful to know such interesting and brilliant people.  This friend of mine is an English professor. We ate lunch together. Then after work, we went to an amazing art exhibit with my husband and then dinner all together.  I miss being able to talk about society, the arts, and ideas with people the way I can with this friend of mine.  He's a deep thinker and very insightful.  He also said that he wished he had friends like myself and my husband back home.  I guess the feeling is mutual.  

~6~

Snake. 

This is not a metaphor of any kind...there was a snake in our office yesterday morning.  This is not a drill.  I repeat: a snake in the office.  

It's gone now.  It was caught and taken outside, but my-oh-my, I could not concentrate until it was removed.  EEK!!!!!!

As Jim Gaffigan says, "I'm what you call...indoors-y."

I found this hilarious image on Etsy

~7~

Happy feast of St. Frances Xavier Cabrini, who said:
"Love and God will take care of the rest."  

St. Frances Xavier Cabrini, pray for us!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Have a great weekend!