I had dental surgery last week, and a post-op this week. Honestly, I was in less pain after the initial procedure last week than after the post-op this week. For some reason, even mild procedures in the mouth seem to be extra painful - it's just right inside your head. It's been a lot of sitting on the couch, resting, and complaining to my sweet husband.
I've missed work due to said surgery, but I do have to work all weekend. In higher education, sometimes nights and weekends are required, especially at certain times of year. Good thing, since I feel awful, and my co-workers drive me nuts sometimes. I know it's Friday afternoon, but this introvert has had enough of the loud conversations in cubicles. I can't take my pain medicine at work, since I have to drive home, so I just have to suffer through. I'm not good at suffering.
I wrote last week about a most unusual letter from my mother. I was moved, and felt like it brought healing. Then, this week, she sent us all an identical Mother's Day gift. It's a beautiful children's book about love. I already knew about it, due to my therapy. It speaks of unconditional love. I love the book. I can hardly get through it without crying. But, honestly? I'm a little confused now. I know it was a nice gesture from my mother, but I never experience that love from her. I feel like she somehow hijacked my therapy book without knowing it. I know that I have lots of emotions to deal with as I try to accept her apology, and begin healing.
Lately, I have been really burdened and saddened by two main things: my homosexual or same-sex-attracted friends and those I know who left the Catholic Church. I don't fit either of those descriptions, but it grieves my heart. I used to be way more accepting of LGBT stuff. I thought it was as arbitrary as what clothing you wore or what color you liked. It wasn't until I learned about Theology of the Body that I also began to believe that we are all called to chastity, healing, and celibacy or abstinence at times. By the same token, I used to love the different denominations and thought of us all as slices in one pie or pieces to a bigger puzzle. Now, I hate the division, the pride, the assurance that people have of unquestioned beliefs. I pray for unity.
John 17: 21 "I pray that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me." (emphasis mine)
I heard about something about 10 years ago called Emotional Deprivation Disorder. I heard about it again last year, and it didn't occur to me until this week to order a book about it. It's not a disorder recognized by the DSMV, but a Catholic psychologist, Dr. Conrad Baars, came up with this theory. Each time I've heard about it, I've thought, "that's what's wrong with me!" It's about not being affirmed by your early caretakers, and basically being emotionally immature and wounded. More information here. The website looks dated, but it has good information. I will see what the book is like. Thank God for my unconditionally loving husband, which has already helped my healing.
Not being able to exercise, due to surgery (see #1) has been really difficult for my general well-being the last few weeks. I look forward to a full recovery, chewing on both sides of my mouth, and getting back into the swing of things.
Mother's Day is this weekend. Happy Mother's Day to all of our spiritual mothers, our Spiritual Mother, The Blessed Virgin Mary, our earthly mothers, and all who celebrate. I'm attempting a family dinner for 7 - wish me luck!