Dental work of any kind is absolutely for the birds. I have been to the dentist once a week for about a month now to have follow-up for a surgery I had. The final procedure is about a week and a half away. I am not longsuffering. I am not good at suffering, and I like it to last a short time, if it has to come. Isn't that how we are as humans? I try to pray my way through it or "offer it up," but I will be glad to be back to normal in another month or so. There is always a cross, I know this. I like to think I would lay down my life for Jesus, but when I suffer just a teensy tinsy bit, I basically fall apart and wish it to be over as soon as possible. I've got a long way to go.
I was summoned for jury duty this week. On the one hand, I was excited to see our judicial system up close and personal, and on the other hand, I was a little irritated at the disruption to my routine. I had to leave home before 7 AM to make it on time, I had to pay downtown parking fees, I had to pack a non-perishable lunch, and bring several books to occupy my time, and this is arguably the busiest time of year at my job. I woke up early to make it on time and sat in a room with a few hundred strangers for a few hours. My number was not called, so I got to leave by lunchtime. I went to work out of guilt and confusion - I wasn't sure if I had to, or if I got a full day off for a half day of duty. I will say that when dealing with the general population (in order to be eligible to serve, you must be: US citizen, over 18, and with no felony conviction - so basically "decent" people), that I am always surprised at how rude and lazy people are, and how quickly a herd mentality asserts itself. Also, I found myself irrationally irritated at the people right around me who talked the entire time, while everyone else was doing a quiet or silent activity while waiting. They covered such topics as the Vietnam war, Obama, abortion, adultery, weaponry of ancient Greece and Rome...you name it. I will never for the life of me understand those people who, in a silent (or very quiet) room of hundreds, don't notice that they are the only people talking and talk loudly. I had earplugs and a book. The lady next to me was so irritated that she moved away from them. Maybe I should have done the same, rather than silently cursing them. I can't figure out if it's because I value silence as an introvert, or if I'm just not a morning person, or if I am a hater, but it was an assault on the senses for me.
I work in higher education, and it's graduation season. Our office came in all weekend and worked last Saturday and Sunday. Some (luckily, not me) will also work this weekend. It's a busy time of year, but one in which I can see the direct results of the job I do. I'm usually a few steps removed from the students, but as they graduate, I can see how my work plays a direct part in the process - not necessarily their success, they do have to go to class and pass - but it is more gratifying this time of year than any other for me.
We made a lasagna last weekend for my mother-in-law and hosted dinner for my in-laws (both brother-in-law and parents-in-law). It was a success. Instead of noodles, it used zucchini. I am so grateful for a husband who fully participates in our life. I guess, since I grew up with a dad who did nothing domestic - didn't lift a finger - I assumed I would be taking the majority of the housework when we got married. I knew my husband wasn't like that, but I still have the internal message of, "You will have to do this all by yourself," or "You won't be getting any help from anyone." That's just not true. I had to remind myself that it is always better when we do things as a team. Always. And I wouldn't even say I made dinner and he helped, but that we both hosted the dinner and equally prepared for it. I don't know if this qualifies as a modern marriage, or not. Nor do I really care. It just makes my life so much better to not feel like I do everything by myself, especially domestic tasks, which are extremely difficult for me.
I'm a classically trained musician, and this weekend, I will be dusting off the old instrument and playing in public. I'm excited. My day job has nothing to do with music anymore, and that's fine, but I still want music to be a part of my life. Since moving a few years ago, I haven't quite found a niche for music yet, but this is a start. There have been late night rehearsals and some commitments and sacrifices for me to participate, but it has all been worth it because I realize it has fed my soul, and I want more of it.
Yes, we got married almost 7 months ago, but our wedding is being featured in a local community magazine! We didn't think we'd get picked, since neither of us are supermodels, our wedding wasn't elite, nor do we come from pedigree. But, I guess we lucked out because they selected us to be featured. It's a full page spread with little factoids about the wedding. I would post a pic, but it would totally blow my anonymous blogging. My wedding was a once in a lifetime event that was so beautiful and meaningful to us, I'm glad to continue to celebrate it with our friends and a few million strangers in the area.
I am reading two different books on healing your emotions and handling them well. I really need work on this area (see #2). They are: The Emotions God Gave You by Art and Laraine Bennett and Healing the Unaffirmed by Dr. Conrad Baars. (Not paid to endorse either one, just sharing.) So far, I've gotten a lot out of the Bennett book, it's very practical. The Baars book is a little too clinical for my feeble mind. However, I'm going to finish it, then I want to read Feeling and Healing Your Emotions by Dr. Baars, which I think might be more helpful to me. I will let you know. Basically, I am a survivor of a traumatic and abusive childhood. As a result of that, sometimes I have very immature emotions or reactions, and sometimes I feel completely numb inside and cannot get in touch with my emotions. I have been to therapy, and yet, I still haven't arrived. I need a lot of help and work in this area to heal.
Happy Feast of the Ascension
(plus one day)
Why does the Ascension matter? I will let St. Augustine have the last word: