7QT: Seven Quick Takes - Lent Edition (Volume VII)

I'm linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for Seven Quick Takes this week.  

~1~

Lent.  

So, I love being Catholic, but Lent has always been a struggle for me.  It calls to mind self-hatred, down-in-the-dumps, funeral dirges that seem to be a faith I don't want.  I don't think that's really Lent, at least not a true Catholic Lent. We didn't celebrate Lent growing up as a Calvinist pastor's kid.  That was way too liturgical and "Catholic."  However, we seemed to have the self-hatred, down-in-the-dumps feelings year-round.  I think I have confused holiness, humility, and spiritual discipline with this self-loathing.  Repentance and conversion are possible.  God's grace is real.  Lent doesn't have to be 40 days of torture.  When I set myself up to change everything and fast from everything, I end up failing.  So, this year, I'm really attempting to do Lent differently.  Like, really this time.  I'm writing down the resolutions so that I'll actually remember and stay accountable.  But, I'm easing into it.  I'm taking some things already in progress, listening to my heart, and I'm going to finish up and follow through with these things already in progress.

~2~

Simplify.

This Lent, I am going to try to streamline my schedule and my surroundings to what matters, what can be accomplished, what needs to get done.  If you knew me well, this might crack you up because some people find me to be a minimalist as it is.  I go through phases of purging in which I get rid of tons of material possessions (my husband calls this the "Franciscan phase") - clothes, movies, decor, etc.  But, I'm taking this simplify idea to be over-arching.  Is it necessary?  (this possession, this commitment, this technique of doing things)  I will take the simplest approach when I can.  I will stick to a schedule of doing laundry on Tuesdays, cooking on Sundays, etc. in order to simplify and give myself some free time.  When in doubt, simplify.

~3~

Downsize.

Similar to #2, I am going to downsize.  We just got married, haven't even been in our house a year, and we are still combining stuff.  However, I want to downsize.  What clothes do I keep, but never wear?  What jewelry do I need/wear?  With this new house, what decor just doesn't fit anymore?  Of our wonderful wedding gifts we received, what don't we need?  What things are a duplicate?  Who could use this more than I could?  I've been driving around for at least 2 months now with clothes in my trunk.  Clothes I was going to get rid of.  I didn't actually get rid of them yet because I was going to go through my closet again.  By the end of Lent, I will be rid of the stuff.  Closets, dressers, car trunks, etc. will be streamlined, simplified, and down-sized to what is useful, necessary, and used.  No, we aren't moving to a smaller home, but we are downsizing the stuff within our home.  

~4~

De clutter.

Okay, a theme is really developing here.  The first two points really have to do with stuff like clothing, decor, kitchen items.  This really calls to mind our study.  There is unopened mail, including bills and important stuff.  There are boxes of wedding invitations that I'm keeping for "the scrapbook."  I will only need a few, but I haven't decided how many.  I have tried to switch to online bill-pay whenever possible, yet, I still receive some paper bills.  I have a "to do" and a "to file" inbox.  Both are over-flowing.  My goal by the end of Lent is to go through all this junk.  To make small and reasonable goals for dealing with the wedding paraphernalia, to file all bills, shred/recycle the paperwork I don't need, to truly go all online when possible for bills, to make the "to do" inbox something actionable.  

~5~

Margins.

Jenny over at Mama Needs Coffee really hit on this earlier this week in her post, "Margin for Error."  I am in the same boat.  I wouldn't be so cranky over breakfast with my husband or get road rage at perfect strangers who take their sweet time if I didn't push snooze 3000 times each morning, leave for work at the last possible minute to make it in time, and not go to bed until after bedtime on weeknights.  I would love this Lent to leave myself room to breathe in all areas of my life, mostly my time.  Leave early for something, for a change.  Go to bed before it's painfully late.  Wake up with time to spare.  Refill the gas tank before I'm on fumes and praying I'll make it to the gas station.  Follow my budget so that the balance by the end of the month doesn't cause me panic and buyer's remorse.  There has GOT to be a better way to live.  I can blame it on traffic, work, everything I want to, but the truth is, I am not doing all I can to make the most of my moments.  I don't mean that in the over-achiever, cram everything possible into the schedule way.  I mean, I need to say no - to myself, to obligations, to others - when necessary.  I need to refuse the guilt when I take a day off, when I relax, when I rest and recharge.  I need to refuse laziness when it really is time to get out of bed, get laundry or dishes done, leave in plenty of time for something.  I think in this area, I am both too hard on myself and not hard enough on myself.  I tend to beat myself and spiral into self-hatred and false guilt when I fail.  On the other hand, I tend to make excuses for myself, procrastinate to the last possible second, and rationalize/justify bad decisions.  This reeks of the flesh, doesn't it?  Room for error, margins, breathing space.  That's what I want this Lent.  

~6~

Sugar.

So, my body is very sensitive to sugar and caffeine.  I know this, or at least the sugar part, I have known for about 10 years now.  In preparation for the wedding, I was really good about avoiding extra sugar, carbs (which when they aren't burned, turn into sugar), and taking some awesome vitamins.  Well...I have fallen off the wagon a bit.  Since the wedding, I no longer have the pressure of a looming public appearance in a white dress and pictures for posterity.  Not only that, but with the constant UTIs since we got married, I have not been able to exercise as much.  (Not just generally feeling cruddy, getting sick, or getting over a sickness, but one of the antibiotics I was on made you susceptible to tendonitis, and exercise was discouraged.)  I also haven't been able to take one of my amazing multi-vitamins because it interfered with antibiotics.  That really helped regulate my appetite and energy, and its absence has been sorely missed.  All that to say that I have GOT to get back on the low/no sugar diet.  It helps my sanity, my energy, my weight, everything.  There's no excuse now.  I've been UTI free for the longest time since we got married (almost 4 weeks), so I can start taking the multi-vitamin again, and exercising even more.  I just have to remember how great I feel when I eat less sugar.  Lent is the perfect time to get back on the wagon.     

~7~

Coffee.

Yes, similar to #6, my body is very sensitive to coffee and caffeine.  I managed to make it through college without a coffee addiction (this was before Starbucks was all the rage).  I made it 2/3 of the way through graduate school before coffee became a daily necessity.  I quit in 2007 due to a kidney stone, then went right back to it.  I quit again in 2013 because I just felt an urge in my spirit that I needed to.  I felt wonderful.  Well...this has also creeped back into my life.  I had this weird notion that since I was failing in other areas (sugar, for example), then to heck with it, why not fail in this area too.  Also, even though caffeine and alcohol can exacerbate a UTI, I figured, "I'm taking an antibiotic right this second...what more could happen?"  So, I would have a cup of coffee here and there at work.  Well, that turned into every day.  Then, it turned into twice a day.  Then, it turned into adding creamer and sugar in the coffee.  And this week, I found myself cranky, shaking, and ANGRY because I NEEDED my coffee.  It tastes so good.  For the first few weeks, it gave me a much-needed boost.  Then, the crashes and lows started coming.  Now, I'm fully addicted again, but without the highs.  I love the taste, I love the heat and warmth.  I do not love the anxiety, panic attacks, shaking, and headaches that inevitably come later.  I just really am not a person who needs to drink coffee or consume sugar...much less do BOTH in one fell swoop.  I am quitting coffee again.  For real.  For good this time.  I just need to remember how I feel a few hours after coffee in order to resist.  Lent is a great time to get back on track and reset.  

In all of these resolutions, I am reminded of what our priest says, "Don't give up something stupid for Lent."  God wants our hearts, our minds, our wills, our bodies, our time, our talents, our treasure.  He wants a relationship with us.  How are we best building that?  How are we living out our vocations?  How do we order our lives to be reminded that "we are dust, and to dust we shall return"?  This Lent, I hope to simplify, downsize, de clutter, leave room for error, and get healthier by reducing the sugar and coffee.  In all of that, however, I hope to get back to the basics, the truth, the fundamental meaning, purpose, and reason of this life: to love God and to love my neighbor.  I can be a better steward of my time, my body, and my stuff.  Here we go!  

  

I Can Do All Things...

Most of us (Christians, at least) know the verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13

People seem to quote it when running a marathon, battling cancer, finishing a PhD, or some other amazing accomplishment.

Well, I recently heard a presentation by Kimberly Hahn on this verse that totally changed my perspective.  (See here if you're interested.)  She says she used the verse throughout her life to say, "I can do laundry through Christ who strengthens me," and, "I can stand in this long line through Christ who strengthens me," and other daily things like that.  I guess I just used this verse as another guilt trip in the over-achieving, perfectionistic, self-hatred vein - ALL THINGS.  All the things.  Everything.  All the time.  All virtues, all accomplishments.  Now.  Hurry up already, you're supposed to be able to do them all through Christ.

Life, in fact, is lived moment by moment, day by day.  It's those little moments like laundry and standing in line that we sometimes need the most help to endure.  And, this ties into the spirituality of Therese of Lisieux, the Little Flower.  Therese is not my official patron saint, but I have taken her on, or rather, she took me on.  Why didn't I connect that little way with "all things" before?  "I can do all things (made up of many small things) through Christ who strengthens me."  I think Kimberly Hahn really hit on something so true and profound here.  

I can endure another traffic jam through Christ who strengthens me.

I can smile at my annoying coworker through Christ who strengthens me.

I can pick up my husband's towel off the bathroom floor through Christ who strengthens me.

I can forgive through Christ who strengthens me.

The possibilities are endless because our lives are made of these small things that, in turn, make up ALL THINGS.  It's the small moments that contribute to the marathon, cancer treatment, or the PhD. Even if your life is not spent jumping from grand accomplishment to grand accomplishment, it's the small moments that contribute to life, where most of us live most of the time.  We are called to holiness.  Holiness comes in ordinary moments.  Small moments.  Moments in which we have a choice.  Do we redeem those moments of laundry and waiting in line, or wish them away?  We can claim them through and for Christ.

It reminds me of what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says about Christ's death on the cross, in paragraph 605 (link here if you're interested), that Christ died for all of us, without exception.  "There is not, never has been, and never will be a single human being for whom Christ did not suffer."  Christ died for ALL.  But he died for each of us, individually.  If we were the only ones who lived, he would have chosen to die for us.  In making that choice for all persons, across all time, Christ died for all.  

Sometimes it is much more meaningful to understand the larger concept ("all things" and Christ dying for all), by understand the smaller concept.  I can do all things - every, little thing, big and small, important and seemingly insignificant - through Christ who strengthens me.  Christ died for all - every person, every man, woman, and child who has ever lived or ever will live.  

On that note, I can finish my Monday through Christ who strengthens me.  I hope you can do the same with a renewed sense of peace that Christ is with you, and you can do all things.    

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume VI)

I'm linking up with http://thisaintthelyceum.org/ for this week's 7 Quick Takes on my slice of the world.

~1~

I do.  

We got married a little over 4 months ago, but finally got our wedding DVD last week.  The day was such a blur, so many intense emotions, that there was a lot I didn't remember fully or get a chance to take in.  It was awesome to watch it again.  At the risk of sounding narcissistic (I think weddings can be one of the most narcissistic times in life), our wedding was beautiful.  The church, the music, the flowers, the reception.  In watching it, I thought to myself that it was exactly what I would have wanted my wedding to be.  It was so full of meaning for us personally, each reading, each song, each person involved.  It was classy and elegant, but fun and celebratory.  What a lovely memory.  Here's a link to one of the most beautiful songs in existence that was sung at our wedding, Ave Verum Corpus by Mozart - hail, true body.  Amen!

~2~

6 out of 7

Last Sunday I received the sacrament of the sick (anointing of the sick?) at church.  I've now received 6 of the 7 sacraments (and all 6 that I'm eligible for!).  Since we got married, I have been sick almost non-stop.  I don't want to complain, and I kept thinking it would go away, but I have been to the doctor 10 times in the last 4.5 months.  Just when I get better, another infection hits.  I have had repeated UTIs (urinary tract infections).  Sorry if that's TMI for anyone.  I know it's the "newlywed illness."  Yes, I get the connection between certain activities and certain sicknesses, but this has been excessive.  I don't even want to count up how much money on medicine, co-pays, x-rays, etc. I have spent.  I know it's not life-threatening, but it's exhausting.  I have gotten fearful of enjoying intimacy with my husband because every time, without fail, I have gotten sick.  I have followed every single wives' tale out there from vitamins to cleansing rituals to eliminating caffeine and alcohol, etc.  The first 4 times I went to the doctor, I think she sort of wrote me off like "you're a newlywed."  Finally after 2 more months of suffering and 2 more infections, she sent me to a specialist.  Nothing is actually wrong, which is good, it's just frustrating.  I also wonder if there is a connection between NFP and UTIs.  I blog pretty anonymously, so I'm comfortable talking about this online, but I know no one in my "real life" who practices NFP, much less is having chronic UTIs and would care to discuss a possible connection.  All that to say, we brought in the big guns last Sunday.  I know there is so much worse going on in the world, but this has been quite an ordeal lately for us.  

~3~

Blessing.

Speaking of the big guns, we also had our house blessed last weekend.  It was a joyous occasion with our priest friend and a few others joining us for dinner and a blessing.  Not to be paranoid or superstitious, but we really do believe in the power of sacraments and sacramentals (holy water, etc.) My husband and I had to fight lots of opposition in preparing for marriage (everything from a near death car wreck for him to anti-Catholic parents for me).  Since we got married, I think the attacks have subsided somewhat, but what more would the devil love than to discourage practicing Catholics?  (See #2).  We want to let the world know (and the spiritual, invisible world to know too) that our house is claimed for Christ. 

Here is a link to some of the liturgy we used.  

"O God, protect our going out and our coming in; Let us share the hospitality of this home
with all who visit us, that those who enter here may know your love and peace.
Grant this through Christ our Lord.
Amen."

~4~

V-Day.

Are Catholics supposed to celebrate Valentine's Day?  Is it just a made-up holiday with commercialism behind it?  I don't know, but my husband and I "celebrate."  (We did when we were dating too.)  I think we view it as one more way to express our love, and yet realize that all year long, we should look for ways to care for one another.  What do you do?  What do you think about the subject?  

~5~

Appreciation and Acceptance.

I read this interesting article about relationships that stated that love isn't enough.  I've always believed that, too.  "All you need is love" seemed hollow to me.  What does love mean?  What type of love?  Another article made its way around the internet recently that stated that kindness and openness to your spouse (their ideas, doing new things, etc.) were what made a relationship stick.  This article states that appreciation and acceptance of your spouse is a surefire way to express your love consistently.  This rings true to me.  Coming from a psychologist, this also seems researched and sound.  Maybe all you need is love, as long as you find a way to express that love in a way your spouse can receive.  I'm working on presence, intention, listening, etc.  I need to work on appreciation.  What do you think of the article?    

~6~

Lent.

Ugh.  No.  Are we already back at Lent again?!  I have had such a hard time with Lent since becoming Catholic.  Each year, I think, "this will be the year that I fast, go to mass daily, give everything I own to the poor, and come out the other end of 40 days as a great person."  That has yet to happen.  All kidding aside, I need to figure out how to celebrate Lent in a balanced, non-self-hating way that expresses both penance and hope.  I'm going to be thinking long and hard about what to give up or what to take on, what to do differently.  I need to pick something that challenges me, while also picking something do-able that will remind me of what this is all about.  Maybe this will be the year I don't hate Lent.

~7~

TGIF

That's all I got.  Happy Friday the 13th, Valentine's Day Eve.  

XOXO.  May love abound in your world.  

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume V)

I'm linking up with http://thisaintthelyceum.org/ for 7 Quick Takes, Friday edition!

~1~

Anniversary. 

It's coming up on 2 years since I made a big move in my life.  I left my home state, some of my immediate family, a house and a job I liked, and moved to one of the largest cities in the US to be with my love.  We are married now, but when I moved, we weren't even engaged.  Some people thought I was nuts, others encouraged me to follow my dreams and my heart.  As difficult as it sometimes is to live here (I believe I said just last night in an emotional meltdown that I "hate it"...)  er ... I'm still glad I moved because Love Wins.  Jobs, houses, cars, etc. are all negotiable, but being married to my love is the most important thing.  

~2~

Village Elders.

I've been blessed throughout my life to have people fulfill the role of grandmother, grandfather, godmother, godfather, caring adult, mentor, etc.  We weren't that close geographically to our grandparents growing up.  We made a concerted effort to see at least one side of our family 1-2 times per year, but by the time I'd graduated high school, my mom's parents had passed.  And by the time I graduated college, my dad's parents had passed.  Thankfully, there always seemed to be family friends and church folk who were so kind to us as kids and filled that role.  I have somewhat of a strained relationship with my parents.  And, although they did their best, it was so helpful to receive love from some really dear people without the drama and family dynamic that sometimes comes with parents.  Later, when I worked in a church, I had many friends who were little old church ladies.  I love (and loved) them dearly.  Some of them have passed on.  They had seen it all and had the wisdom of many years of life behind them.  I was just starting out, and they were always happy to tell me how to do things.  In general, we shared meals, a community bond, our faith, and a sense of family.  Since I moved, I really don't have anyone in my life that's like that anymore.  I really miss it.  I think I need it.  I don't have any elder family members nearby, and I haven't tapped into that demographic at church.  But, for those whose love was so instrumental in my past, I always try to write down the "life lessons" they taught me or things they said to me that I don't want to forget.  I really cherish their memory, and feel them around me, even if they've gone to their eternal reward. As the daughter of one of these friends told me at her funeral, "She taught you how to love."  Yes, she did.  And I have such a long way to go.    

~3~

House blessing.

We are getting our house blessed this weekend by our priest.  I'm really excited.  I've only been to one other house blessing in my short life as a Catholic.  Not to mention that we really need it!!!  Just this week we had a pipe burst and damage our ceiling, in addition to warranting MAJOR repairs.  The day after we got married, there was a poisonous snake on our front porch that tried to bite my husband.  (For real, you can't make this stuff up!)  I don't want to seem superstitious, but I have to say that all through our wedding preparation, my husband and I both felt attacked.  He was even in a major car accident that came within inches of killing him (hit on 2 sides by 3 different cars).  My well-meaning but anti-Catholic parents tried to prevent the wedding.  Every part of it seemed like a struggle.  Now that we are married, we just really feel like we need the extra blessing from our priest.  We have anointed the house with holy water and prayed over every room, but this will be great.    

~4~

The Resistance.

Speaking of the devil...  I guess it's hard to know when something you've lived with your whole life isn't normal.  I have always been one to worry and have anxiety, just by personality.  It wasn't until last year that my therapist helped me realize that I had actually had panic attacks my whole life.  And I just thought it was, you know, another Tuesday morning.  Some of it has to do with physical stuff (like hormone and blood sugar imbalances).  However, some of it is spiritual.  With this in mind, I realize that there is a WHOLE LOT in my life that is not from God.  Thoughts that I have, really dark and horrible and self-hating thoughts that I thought everyone had to combat.  Turns out, that's not the case.  Anyway, I have started to resist this and recognize that these unloving thoughts are NOT from God.  I call the devil "the resistance" sometimes because it's like a feeling I have that things are harder, like pulling teeth or dragging someone along as they resist when the devil gets in a situation. Sometimes he manifests himself by being a resisting force in a situation, when that situation would be good, or just to steal your joy.  (See #3 above - our wedding planning was full of a "resisting" spirit).  And sometimes, in my fight against him, I have to resist and stand firm.  "Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."  (James 4:7)  I don't want to blame the devil for my own sin, for the regular difficulties in life, or for blood sugar imbalances, but I have to say that since I have starting resisting The Resistance with the name of Jesus, sacramentals, and other prayers, I have noticed a huge difference.  If you read interviews with exorcists, you'll realize that the battle is real, and we should just be on guard to do all we can to stay faithful, to fast, and to pray for our intentions and for those we love.    

~5~

Commentary.

I have decided that reading comments on the internet is a really fast way to lose all faith in humanity. People are SO cruel, ignorant, argumentative, etc.  So, I have made a concerted effort to leave positive comments whenever I can to counteract that presence.  And to IGNORE and not even read the trollers.  

~6~

#LoveLikePaul

I don't even know the Coakley family, but I have been so touched (and heartbroken) by their story over the past few weeks.  If you have any spare change to give this beautiful new widow and her four children (3 + 1 on the way), please consider doing so.  We are the body of Christ, and she is in need.  You can donate or read more at this link: https://lovelikepaul.com/  or follow the developments on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/paulandanncoakleyneedamiracle.  Every day is a gift.  

~7~

Going the way of the do-do-bird?

Are blogs becoming extinct?  Why are some of my favorite bloggers doing more podcasts than blogs now, or drastically reducing their blogs?  It's so depressing to me.  I can't listen to podcasts at work, but I can read a blog so much more easily.  If they really are going extinct, like most things, I tend to catch on right about the time it's too late.    

T G I F and happy weekend!    

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume IV)

I'm linking up with http://thisaintthelyceum.org/ to do Seven Quick Takes this week.

~1~

New Year.

I haven't blogged since the New Year, but my mind is swirling with thoughts.  In years past, I haven't so much done "resolutions" as a theme for the year.  This year, my theme is Be Not Afraid.  This is the title of one of my favorite hymns, based on verses from Isaiah and elsewhere.  Also, if you're a Catholic, you may know that St. Pope John Paul II loved to remind us to "be not afraid."  It reminds me of someone else who said that a lot...that's right, Jesus!  This little phrase is hopefully going to help me this year stay out of fear and enter more deeply into love and into faith.  I am faced with some new challenges lately (as we all are), and "be not afraid" is a great reminder.  (Also - side note, John Paul II died on the eve of Divine Mercy Sunday in 2005.  I had been reading about and considering Catholicism for a few years by the time he died.  I remember thinking to myself when he died that I had to become Catholic.  He was pope my entire life, and I was very drawn to him.  It felt like a big loss, and it prompted me to move forward.  I was confirmed one year later, on the eve of Divine Mercy Sunday.  It wouldn't be until last year, 2014 - 8 years later! - that I made that connection.  I think he was already praying for me and others like me.)

~2~

Work.   

It's amazing how much energy, resolve, and positivity I had when coming into work on Monday with almost 2 weeks off.  I was rested, refreshed, and ready to go.  Traffic wasn't bad, and I was ready to conquer the world.  It's Friday of the same week, and I am already back to cranky, low energy, not as motivated.  Sometimes I think it's the circumstances of the job, and sometimes I think it's me.  I guess it's a little bit of both.  Most of life involves hard work.  I need to redeem the moments.  "This is the gift - to have the wonderful capacity to appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life." - Abraham Maslow

~3~

The "B" word.

Budget.  A new year is a great time to dust off those higher principles of living and fix everything.  But, seriously, it is time for me to implement some serious B-word...budgeting.  I took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University class a few years ago, and got completely out of debt (about $6500, if I remember correctly).  This was while living on less than $30,000 income.  (I don't mind sharing numbers because I remain somewhat anonymous on my blog).  I now make more money (about $39,000 take home pay), and I'm in WAY more debt than ever before (about $25,000)....I know, that's terrible.  Really scary to see it on paper, huh?  Well, I have a payment plan, and it may take about 3 years, but I will get out of debt again, never to go back.  These expenses mainly come from work on the house, some medical emergencies, and the wedding.  I guess I don't "regret" any of them, but it just astounds me how much things cost.  They can add up quickly.  I put a bunch of big expenses on the credit cards, and I will be paying them off as soon as possible.  No eating out.  No adding more to the debt.  No more fluff.  Back to Baby Step 1 for me.  My husband and I are not 100% sharing all finances.  We are still combining our lives, but it will help to have his extra income to throw at this problem, although I make more money than he does, so we share percentages of payments, not dollar amounts.  (this is per Suze Orman, not Dave Ramsey)

~4~

Life Makeover.  

So, I was reading some books, blogs, etc. on time management, and I really want to "re-vamp" my life according to my greatest priorities.  Rather than giving God and my husband the last of what's left, my remaining energy at the end of the day, I want to give them my best.  Sometimes that's not possible, but I do believe it's possible for me to keep more of a balance.  It's so much easier for me to feel optimistic about life, to have energy, and to be patient and kind when a few non-negotiables are in place: sleep, exercise, eating regularly, no caffeine.  Also, I'm going to schedule a few repetitive tasks that always seem to sneak up on me as non-negotiables.  (Tuesday night is now laundry night!)  This helps me keep from getting way out of hand.  Now, this week didn't go so well with the new life makeover.  My car broke down Tuesday, and I was unable to go workout.  Then, I was unable to do laundry.  Then, I basically had a panic attack later that night (I think due to hormones and lack of sleep).  No bueno.  I can't live like that.  I am going to schedule everything I have to do according to my ongoing to-do list and my highest priorities and really try to stick to it.  I will keep you posted.  

~5~

Empathy.

My husband and I were talking about the concept of empathy.  He said that he thinks the first step toward evil is a lack of empathy.  I think he's right.  I thought about that long and hard, as I have a few people in my life that are very difficult, and I have a tendency to sort of ignore them or discount them.  I can feel a cold-heartedness toward them, and it's not right.  They are people too.  God loves them too.  Then, I thought of the phrase that "you can't give people what you don't have." I thought of the tragedy of people who have no empathy for themselves to the point where they even hurt or kill themselves.  That's when I sort of stopped dead in my tracks.  I can be so cruel to myself sometimes (in my mind).  I really don't want to share some of the thoughts that come to me.  I don't feel like they are from God.  They are not helpful, loving, kind.  There is no empathy there.  If I said or treated others the way my mind has treated me sometimes, it would be so wrong.  It's still wrong, and it's something I want to work on.  Kicking out the demon voices.  (See Amy Poehler's book, Yes Please, for more on this reference.)  But, regardless, I need to have more empathy for myself, and in turn, for others.  I was raised a Calvinist.  In Calvinism, even the good things/works you do are considered meaningless and worthless to God because they think works are not important in the life of faith, and they think that humankind is so totally "depraved" that we can do no good.  This is a dangerous and harmful mindset.  It's a huge reason I am not a Calvinist.  I have found much healing and wholeness in the Catholic Church.  However, the healing is ongoing.  This is so ingrained in me and so damaging, I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be rid of this particular thing.   

~6~

Caught up.

(Think of Usher's song...but only those two words of it).  Anyway, caught up.  I am SO not caught up.  I haven't unpacked from Christmas travels, I haven't put away all of our wedding gifts, I am literally wearing my last clean pair of underwear today (sorry, TMI?)  But, there is no such thing as caught up.  This is such a revelation to me, and it's probably obvious to the entire rest of the world, but it was really freeing to realize that.  It's part of my "life makeover."  Instead of having things all the way done and caught up, then swing to nothing done and disaster, I'm going to schedule the ongoing tasks of life - meal planning, cleaning, laundry, yard work, bills, etc.  Does everyone else do this, and I'm just a moron at adulthood?  I seriously am so excited to implement this.  I know it'll take a while, and this week I only did about half of everything, but I'm so SO hopeful and optimistic that in realizing there is no "caught up," I will actually be in a state of maintaining and staying on top of things.   

~7~

T.G.I.F.

That's all I got, folks.  

7QT: Seven Quick Takes (Volume III)

I'm linking up with http://thisaintthelyceum.org/ to do Seven Quick Takes this week.

~1~

There is always a cross.

I think I'm going to write a post about this that goes more in-depth, but I've been thinking of crosses, suffering, etc. lately.  I was raised Protestant.  One of the things that drew me to Catholicism (and still draws me), is that it is the only logical explanation of suffering I have found in religion.  It doesn't deny it or try to avoid it (as some Eastern religions do), it doesn't blame the victim for "karma" or "lack of faith" (as some other Eastern Religions, New Age religions, or Christian "prosperity" gospel preachers do), it doesn't blame God for being "sovereign" and basically call him a jerk for bringing you suffering in order to smite you or teach you a lesson (as the Calvinism I was raised in taught me)...the Catholic God suffers with you.  See him up there on the cross?  He's been where you are, if not worse.  He suffered, not so that you don't have to suffer in this life, but so that you could see there is meaning in suffering.  You can offer it up.  You can join it with his.

So, my newest cross is a medical diagnosis I got this week.  The back pain I have been suffering with increasingly over the last several months is not a kidney stone as I suspected, but arthritis.  Ugh.  Doesn't that sound like something an 80-year-old should get?  Not someone in their 30's?  On the one hand, I'm glad to put a name to it, instead of wondering WTH was going on with me, or thinking I was crazy and that this pain was all in my head.  On the other hand, I've never had a health problem that was basically chronic pain due to something genetic or not an infection or out-of-nowhere.  I feel like I'm too young for this.  I don't want to be on drugs for the rest of my life, and yet, medicine is pretty much a new daily necessity for me.  It doesn't even alleviate the pain, it just dulls it enough to allow me to make it through the day.  So, I'm processing what this means for my health, my faith, my life.  I would like to seek alternative ways of healing.  I wonder if I will need surgery.  I wonder if this would ever qualify as a disability, if the pain ever kept me from working.  I wonder how in the HECK people who are in great pain can remain virtuous.  My patience and kindness pretty much evaporate when the pain sets in.  And, at the same time, I see a new cross in my life (and I definitely feel it in my back!)  This could be an opportunity for major growth, but God help me.  I don't know how to deal with it.    

~2~

Silence.

Silence is a theme of Advent.  I think it's also a theme of introverts.  To take it to a completely mundane, and NOT profound level...I work in an office of about 15 people.  We work in cubicles (except for the 2 bosses, they have real offices with real walls and everything).  Some cubicles have doors (not me), and some cubicles have a window (again, not me).  All that to say that throughout the day, we either work in deafening silence, in which a pen can drop, a phone can ring, or a person can sneeze, and it makes you jump out of your skin.  The other half of the day is spent in deafening noise - 15 simultaneous conversations, 1 lovely co-worker who literally narrates her day/makes personal phone calls/talks non-stop, and a revolving door of our customer base (students).  All that to say that I crave privacy and silence.  I would LOVE a door.  And I would LOVE a setup to my office that would allow someone to come in the office without having to look literally over my shoulder at my computer screen or be seated behind me at an awkward angle (thanks, cubicle).  These things will probably not happen as long as I work here.  I have brought headphones and earplugs to work, but some days, even that isn't enough.  I am really sensitive to noises, I think, just by personality.  I can hear things better than most people.  On top of that, I'm an introvert, and I love silence, especially when I'm trying to concentrate.  It is a challenge for me to maintain my focus amidst our loud and busy office.  Lord, give me patience with these people.

~3~

Advent.

So...Christmas is in 6 days, and we still haven't gotten a tree up.  Probably this weekend.  For real.  I really want to, but we have been so busy and I have felt so crummy that we haven't gotten around to it yet.  At this point, it is definitely staying up until Epiphany, if not later.  I started wrapping some gifts last night, and it really put me in the mood to have a tree to put said gifts under!!

~4~

The Hobbit.

I haven't felt like this big of a nerd for about 10 years, when my then-boyfriend dragged me along to The Matrix midnight release.  This week we watched The Hobbit 1 and 2.  Tonight, we are going to see The Hobbit 3 in the theater.  I don't remember the last movie I saw in the theater.  It's not 100% my cup of tea, but that's okay.  It'll be a fun double date with my husband.  

~5~

The Power of "No"

I am facing the prospect of either accepting or rejecting a social invitation this weekend with a very difficult and manipulative person in my life.  I find her stressful to be around, and really try to limit my time with her.  As with all unhealthy people, when you set up a boundary, there is backlash.  Last time I kindly, but firmly, told her "no thank you" to an invitation (when I was legitimately knee-deep in wedding planning stress), she lectured me about what a terrible friend I am, and basically accused me of lying to avoid hanging out with her.  In normal circumstances, I would love to cut someone like her 100% out of my life.  However, she's a family friend, and I do have to deal with her for the foreseeable future.  So...anyway....I am faced with another invitation.  I know that if I say "no," it may cause a fight in which my integrity and honesty is called into question.  If I say "yes," it might be out of fear of conflict, manipulation, or obligation rather than a genuine open-ness to friendship.  I'm torn as to what to do.  Last night, my husband was talking through the options with me.  I was saying, "I think I'll just say 'yes' so that we don't have another fight."  And he was like, "It's an invitation.  You shouldn't feel forced.  Yes OR no are both options.  I want to empower you to say "no" if you need to."  Isn't he awesome?  I know he's right.  If I were giving someone else advice, I would also say that you don't have to feel pressure, you should make your choice and move on.  My therapist told me that "no" is a complete sentence.  You don't have to justify why it's a no.  You don't have to make excuses.  You have the power to say yes or no.  I know all of this in my brain, and yet I'm still feeling such anxiety and pressure to say yes.  I gave her an "I'll let you know," answer to buy myself more time.      

~6~

Horrible Bosses

...not the movie.  I'm not saying I have a horrible boss (or bosses).  But here are some things I think you should avoid if you want to be considered a good boss...just don't ask me how I know.   

          Don't send ALL emails with a flag of high importance, it makes the flag meaningless.      

          Similarly, don't make all requests (for data, reports, etc.) right near (or even AFTER) your deadline, forcing your employees to drop their priorities because of your poor planning.  A lacking of planning on your part should not create an emergency on my part.  

          Don't bad-mouth, trash-talk, gossip, judge, analyze, or otherwise discuss employees with your subordinates.  That should only be done equal to equal or equal to superior (boss to boss, boss to supervisor, etc.)  It should not be done boss to subordinate.  It puts the subordinate in a really awkward position when you discuss the faults of his/her equal (coworker).  It also creates distrust in that it seems safe to assume that a subordinate's behavior is also subject for discussion with everyone else, but only behind your back.  

          Don't ask people to do things which you yourself do not do.  You should set an example for respecting others, arriving on time, etc.  If you're asking for a behavior that you don't exhibit, it creates resentment and a double-standard.  People might do it out of fear (wanting to keep their job), out of a greater obligation (because it's the right thing to do, even if you don't do it), or they may not do it at all (because...why bother?)  

          Don't complain about things that would seem like luxuries to the person you're complaining to. For example, if the view out of your window (of your real office, with a real door, real walls, and outside view) is about to change due to some construction... consider that the person you're complaining to does not even have a door or a window in their cubicle ...so.... it's hard to have any sympathy for you there...just sayin'.  Also, don't complain about your salary to someone who makes LESS than you do.  

          Do take action.  This means, when a problem presents itself, seek guidance, have discussions, but take action.  Don't wait 2-3 months to confront a behavior.  Don't build up a problem so big in your mind that it takes one year to resolve.  Don't wait to hire replacements out of mourning for the person who no longer works there.  I have noticed that good bosses and companies tend to have a sense of momentum, purpose, vision, and action.  That's not to say that things get done on time or perfectly, only that there is a feeling of progress, not stagnation.  Everyone wants to see that their work matters and makes a difference.  If you sit on a project or over-analyze a decision to the point of paralysis, it makes your followers weary.  

~7~

Friday. 

Need I say more?  T-G-I-F!!  Enjoy your weekend.

33 Days to Morning Glory - Holy Spirit, grant us the only necessary knowledge

While I lamented last week that I really don't know how to celebrate Advent properly, I realize that this year, I am doing something different that has been great. I am doing St. Louis de Montfort and Father Michael Gaitley's 33 Days to Morning Glory - it's a set of prayers for 33 days, and at at the end you consecrate yourself to Jesus through Mary's intercession.  You can sign up here for a daily email, if interested.  http://taylormarshall.com/2014/11/1-catholic-advent-devotional-33mary-com.html

Even though Advent is coming to a close, this is a worthy consecration.  You may enjoy the prayers or be able to join in for the last few days.  You can do the 33 days of consecration at a later date, anytime really.  But this particular consecration ends on Christmas Day.

One of the prayers from the litany to the Holy Spirit jumps out at me every time...you think God is trying to say something to me?

"Holy Spirit, grant us the only necessary knowledge."  

This means so many things, it convicts me of so many sins, and it is such a succinct reminder.

Grant us the only necessary knowledge...

...of your salvation.
How many times do we wonder exactly why and how the mysteries of salvation unfolded?  Why a virgin birth?  Why Israel?  Why didn't the Bible contain more explicit references to transubstantiation or other catholic doctrines?  Why does it seem that so many seek and do not find?  Why, God, why? So many questions...sometimes it seems that the answers are few.  But, God has given us the knowledge that we need for salvation and the grace to accept it.  Each of us.  There comes a point in time that we need to accept what we do know and stop worrying about what we don't know or don't understand.  God has given us the only necessary knowledge.  Yes, Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief...and yet...don't let me get stuck in the questions and the unbelief.  Help me to accept that I have the necessary knowledge for my salvation, and I need to act upon it.  I heard Kimberly Hahn mention this in a presentation she gave.  When she was contemplating conversion to the Catholic Church, she had almost all of her questions answered.  God finally told her to act upon what she knew and believed, to stop obsessing over the small questions still left.   (I'm paraphrasing).  The answers came with time.  I think many of us Type A personalities, or former Protestants, or any number of categories can have a hard time over-thinking things.  I think God is saying that we should accept what it is that we DO know and DO believe.

Grant us the only necessary knowledge...

...of your will. 
This is a hard one.  I drove by a Psychic "business" the other day, and I thought, "how do those places even stay open?  Who goes to a psychic?"  But, the truth is, many people do.  And, even if we don't go to a psychic, we might read a horoscope or new age philosophy, or dabble in other seemingly harmless practices to find God's will.  What if our practice of finding God's will is not a psychic or a horoscope, but the paralysis of analysis that comes when trying to know what is the right thing to do.  We discuss and over-analyze with our friends sometimes without spending time with God himself to discern.  We want to know the plan BEFORE we make any moves or say "yes" to God.  We want spiritual enlightenment, but in our time, in our ways, by our standards.  There are questions that will probably haunt me for the rest of my life.  Why did so-and-so have to die at such a young age?  Why did you allow so-and-so to cause such terrible suffering?

There's a reason faith is called faith.  It's not a blind faith.  It is not a faith free from reason or logic, but it requires assurance of what we cannot see.  We have to trust.  We know that God wills our good. We know that God would never harm us, and that somehow, some way, all of our sins and screw-ups are being woven together and worked for our good.  And yet, we live in fear sometimes.  I often wonder what my life would look like without fear.  I wonder if I would have made different decisions or had different experiences.  God's will is usually seen best in hindsight.  As life unfolds, it's a dance of faith, trust, hope, and obedience. "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known." - I Corinthians 13:12

Grant us the only necessary knowledge...

...of other people's business.  
When it comes to the sin of gossip and nosiness, we can often justify things to ourselves because we think, "I'm not gossiping, I'm being a supportive friend," or, "I'm not gossiping, I'm just concerned about [insert person or situation]," or "I'm not gossiping, I just like to know what's going on in my own family [or friend-group or workplace]," or even worse, "...so I can PRAY for so-and-so."  This doesn't cover all the bases, but I think of the countless times I have pried for information out of phony concern, out of selfish curiosity, or the times I have stalked (yes, really), stalked via Facebook or some other way to find out what was happening or what was the latest with someone or something. We like to be in the know, to be up-to-date, or to have the latest information.  We like to hear all sides of the story, the nitty-gritty details.  Who broke up with whom and why, who doesn't like whom, who isn't getting along, what's so-and-so's problem.  We like to hear all this stuff so we can make judgment calls and prognosticate about the whys, the flaws, the mistakes, the future.  It's really nauseating and exhausting.  It's a gross and disgusting human behavior.  I think sometimes we like to know EVERYTHING about EVERYONE else so that we can be the supreme authority on how they live their lives, never turning that microscopic analysis to our own behavior.  We can never know what someone else is going through, what struggles they have, especially internally, and what might be the reasons behind some behaviors.  We can just pray for them.  (And P.S., praying for someone doesn't require that you announce that you're praying for them...you can just pray.)  I forget which saint or writer I was reading, but they were talking about the value of silence and prayer.  They even suggested that rather than asking or wondering about someone's latest details (if they are not shared out right with you), rather than prying, just use that time and energy to pray for them.  Maybe you don't know the latest details, but which is more important - praying for them, asking God that his will be done in their lives, or knowing every little detail - even the ones they may have left out for a reason.  I have been hurt so much in my life by other people's words, gossip, prying, etc.  I'm a very private person by nature, and I hate when people try to get into my business.  And yet, I also struggle with the sin of gossip.  Our words are powerful.  Our time and energy is limited.  Why not use it to help others, to pray for them, and to remember that we should only have the knowledge necessary of a situation - nothing more, nothing less.

"Holy Spirit, grant us the only necessary knowledge."  

In what other ways could this short prayer apply to our lives?

Pax Christi